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How necessary is it to come out?


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I did, finally, tell my boyfriend directly that I think I might be aromantic. More specifically, cupioromantic seems to fit my style the best.

It felt bad at first, and then it felt like, yeah, this is a good way of understanding myself. But I wonder how necessary it is to even attach myself to a label like that when I am read largely by society as romantic. I think most people who know me well (like my family) are aware of the fact that I'm not a particularly romantic person or anything, but I've had a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now. Regardless of what we might struggle with because of my apparent lack of romantic attraction, we still do romantic things together, because I like them.

He's polyamorous and I'd like to explore relationship anarchy going into the future, so I'm thinking about the potential of future romantic relationships and how relevant it would be to tell them that I'm cupioromantic. I feel like it is necessary, in a way, because if someone really requires that I love them back in a romantic sense, then it would be unfair to get involved with them. But at the same time it feels entirely silly and I know people aren't very understanding of it at all. I know this because I didn't understand cupioromantic for the years I knew about it until I was like wait, that's me.

Additionally, it just seems unfair of me to attach myself to aromanticism as a whole when there are actually aromantic people who aren't in romantic relationships whereas I'm just kind of pursuing the run of the mill expectation. I like being in romantic relationships, I just don't feel romantically drawn to people. But does that necessarily mean I have anything interesting to say about the nature of romantic attraction and relationships? Am I really that different, in the end? I haven't made up my mind on this yet.

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Yeah I think since you're open for romantic relationship it might get more complicated and less important for you to come out. I'd say the main reason would be to disclose your aromantic orientation to potential partners, like you said, and also is always good to spread the word and visibility.

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To what extent you come out is completly up to you, so long as you are not being dishonest with anyone by saying you feel things you dont. That doesnt mean tell everyone everything, and it doesnt mean you need to tell everyone either. This also applys to what and how you label yourself. If you dont think the term aromantic helps you, dont use it, if you think the term cupioromantic does, then do. It really is up to you. Which is both a blessing and a curse, life would be much easier if someone could just tell you what to do in any situation.

If you want to date, then date, if you want to call yourself cupioromantic or aromantic while dating, then do so. Just dont let the people you date think you feel something you dont, and make sure they do know why you are dating them (as the old standby "I love you" may not have the same impact)

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