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I have a squish but we're not really close...some objective opinions would be welcome.


Guest Vajola
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Guest Vajola

Hi, I'm a confused aroace with a squish. I tend to overthink and complicate things in my mind so my situation might not actually be as tricky as I think it is. 

For some context: I started upper-secondary school in August (in my country it's 16-19 yrs olds) without knowing anyone here. Since then I've got some friends but none of them are close or anything. My squish is in my class and we have talked a few times but that doesn't really mean anything because they're super social and have a big circle of friends. Since my school is specialising in music, we have lots of different music classes like band and composing. There are 2 bandmates of mine that are besties with my squish, so we have some mutual friends. But I can't get closer to my squish through them because they are dating and I don't like being the third-wheel. I know that my squish is queer but the chances of them being aro too aren't very high. 

In my country we have a 2nd year dance where people choose partners to dance with and I would like to ask my squish to be my partner. But it's still very far away so it would be weird to ask so early on, especially as acquaintances. How can I ask them to be my partner without them thinking that I have a crush on them but still not dragging them into the mess that being aro is? 

I have had a squish back in my old school. I tried to be friends with him but apparently I was very obsessive and weird about it. I'm trying my best to prevent that from happening again but I'm not sure how much is too much....

I tried to hang out with the three of them (my squish and my 2 bandmates) but it doesn't really work out as I'm an introvert and they're a loud and intense group. Plus they know each other from middle school. Also, I have no idea what they're talking about most of the time, I'm not really familiar with "mainstream" culture, like games, any music that's not classical (I'm a classical musician, they're rock/metal) and movies. Even though my squish is also a classical musician they're still familiar with all of this so I'm automatically left out even if they don't mean to. 

I can't get to know my squish individually because they're never alone, always surrounded by friends, some I don't even know. 

So, I short: how can I get closer to my squish but not become obsessive and make them uncomfortable? Possibly even ask them out as a qpr at some point? (I've always wanted a qpr, I can't know whether or not it works out without trying can I?)

 

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Yea, try and find some social media of theirs? I would suggest Instagram, it’s really easy to like reply to posts and stories and such and get somewhat closer that way?

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