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how do i know if i'm aromantic or if it's trauma?


Guest hanna
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Guest hanna

hi! so, i've had plenty of crushes before since childhood (i'm 21 now), but i just do NOT want a relationship AT ALL. i have a lot of fear of abandonment, anxiety and separation anxiety when in relationships, so i do not want to pursue them at all. some of it is due to those reasons (i don't want to be abandoned by them), but i also just don't desire a romantic relationship. how can i know if that's trauma or if i'm aromantic?

is being aromantic only "not having romantic attraction" or can it also be "not having romantic interest"? because i do get crushes (they last very short periods of time and then i flip on them) sometimes, but i just don't want to act on them? i, like, have them from afar; i don't actually want to date them.

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tough question and I'm honestly not sure.

There are plenty of people who do argue their aromanticism on the basis of there being this thing called romantic attraction and they don't feel it. On the other hand there are plenty of people who don't think about their aromanticism in that way. You might want to have a look at the idea of the split attraction model and in particular the experiences of people who do not use it if you want to know more about this. Its not my strong suit so I wont try to explain it but it might ive you an idea of aromanticism that is useful to you.

I suppose the big question is what do you want to do. If you have no interest in acting on these crushes then understand that about yourself and try to build a life that fits with that.

As for trauma, I wont ask you personal questions about it but try to deal with that trauma in a way that works for you. It might be worth thinking about whether it makes sense that the trauma you have gives you these ideas about romantic relationships in particular, does it make sense that trauma caused this reaction here depending on your views on friends, close family etc.

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