Just wake up one day and feel repulsed by romance?

[Gege]

Newcomer here, recently just realized that I probably had only use romance/pining/crushing as a way to gain happy chemicals to cope with my mental issues and not actually liking the person I though I like? After that revelation (?), the next thing I knew is I cannot stand anything that involves romance anymore despite being a hopeless romance just a few weeks before. It's been months and the feeling of revulsion did not go away, it has gone to the point that I had to ghost my friend of 3 year just because she put too many romantic scenes in her writings. I cannot consume any media that have lovey dovey couples in it anymore, which is like- 90% of the shows nowadays, and already dropped one of my favorite show thanks to this newfound phobia. It doesn't matter if the relationship was straight or gay, they all give me the heebies jeebies anyway. What was your "finding out" experience like? Is this signs that I'm actually aromantic or should I just stop and get some help? 

More context: Never been in a relationship, only crushing and suck it in until I'm tired of it. Then I usually find a new person who's decent enough and consciously telling myself to "fall in love" with them. It usually get toxic. 

Edited January 9, 2022 by Gege

[Ikarus]

Hello @Gege and welcome to the forum!

Now to get into your question, and introduce myself to you. I identify as an Apothi Aro, the apothi word means repulsed to romance. After reading your post I can see that your experience reflects a lot of my own. I do not enjoy romance in any format whether its movies, books, songs, and kissing scenes in media make me very uncomfortable, and I have to turn away, and shiver in disgust until its over, or I skip. If I skip it I usually skip the next few scenes, so I usually wait until its over haha. 

Watch what you feel comfortable watching, and read what you want to read. Its your life, do what you wanna do! 

With all that said, I just want to comment on this. 

1 hour ago, Gege said:

it has gone to the point that I had to ghost my friend of 3 year just because she put too many romantic scenes in her writings.

By ghosting do you mean avoiding all contact with your friend, or not reading their writings? If you just don’t want to read their work, I can understand that. If you are avoiding contact completely, that’s ok as well, maybe you would feel more comfortable with aro friends( If you can find them in real life). I don’t know much about your friend, but if my friends that I rarely see anymore started talking about their dates all the time, and wanted me to review their romantic plays, then I wouldn’t be as interested in their company. 

Although I don’t think you necessarily have to completely ghost your friend, just don’t read their writings if they make you uncomfortable, but again its up to you because I don’t know the person, or what your relationship is like with your friend. 

Romance can make its way into almost any show, which is extremely annoying, but I would just wait until its over, but only if the romance is brief. A lot of romance in the shows I watch is very brief, doesn’t take up the whole plot, and I usually just fast forward to the next scene. Try finding shows where romance isn’t the main plot, and then you only have to deal with brief random instances of it you can fast forward if you want. But again, I usually play more video games than watching movies, so im no expert in the movie field...

To sum up, I am Apothi Aro, you remind me of myself a lot, and you might be Apothi as well. Consider that micro label, here is an article on Apothiromantics https://ezgender.fandom.com/wiki/Apothiromantic, but I call myself Apothi Aro, less wordy, and it sounds better. 

Hopefully I can help you out in some way, bye!