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Questioning my Romantic Orientation


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I didn't know where to put this, so sorry if it is in the wrong spot.

I am generally new to the aroace community. I'm confident in my asexuality, and happy with it, but am questioning my romantic orientation, and I figured this would be a good place to ask a few questions.

First, is it all right to not be happy immediately if I turn out to be aromantic? The idea kind of makes me sad, as I have always liked romance in novels and movies (but not romance novels or rom-coms - Hallmark disgusts me). I used to desire a relationship, but I'm still pretty young at 23, and all the aroace stuff is new to me. I don't think I want to have a relationship with kissing and cuddling though, or other romantic stuff.

Second, can I still like romance and be aromantic? As I said above, I like the idea of two people journeying through life together and growing a bond together. I am not romance adverse, but I hate when stories are all about romance.

Third, can I have had crushes (I think they were crushes) and be aromantic? So, I have never had romantic feelings toward a person outright. I've had to know them for at least a few months, so I know I am at least demi-romantic, and I only remember having about four of them. However, I never had interest in pursuing my crushes, and they always ended within a month or two of starting, or came to a point where I wasn't even thinking about it anymore. I even had a time where I had a crush on a girl which later I found out my friend had a crush on, and I was perfectly fine with stepping back and letting him pursue it.

Fourth, what is really the difference between a romantic relationship and a queerplatonic relationship? I've heard QPRs are somewhere between friendships and romances, but not really described as either. Honestly, the idea of a QPR appeals appeals to me, because what I really want is to not grow up alone and watch all my friends get married, and a lifelong friend seems kind of nice.

Finally, I am Catholic, so are there aroace Catholics who have been accepted by the church or even a priest? I have a priest who was kind about my asexuality, but I am not certain if I should be open about my romantic and sexual orientation just yet to the wider community.

Thank you for taking the time to answer.

EDIT: All right. After doing a few more refined searches on the site, I can say that my crushes were actually squishes. My other questions still stand though.

EDIT 2: Also, I am fine with being alone. But life seems a long time to watch people move on.

Edited by SirBeastling
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First, is it all right to not be happy immediately if I turn out to be aromantic?

Yes. I've known I was aromantic for about a decade, and there are still times where I dislike it. Society pushes amatonormativity on us & goes out of its way to remind us how wonderful romance can be- and that we're incomplete without it. At the same time, it's understandable to look at romance and mourn the aspects of it that you feel you can't have/experience as an aro person.


Second, can I still like romance and be aromantic? 

Certainly, there are lots of aromantic people who enjoy the concept of romance & romance in fiction.


Fourth, what is really the difference between a romantic relationship and a queerplatonic relationship?

Honestly I think the exact definition will depend on who you ask. For me, a QPR is a committed relationship that doesn't involve romantic feelings/attraction. I can see myself living with a QP partner, being intimate with them, sharing my life with them, combining assets, etc, in ways that may look "romantic" from the outside.

Edited by Apex
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