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SirBeastling

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    Ace - Aro?
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    Male
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    He/him/his

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  1. I think that I still want to know a little more about romance as it is a confusing topic for me, and I think the best way to do that is provide an example from my own life. It's a little old, six or seven years ago, but it's the best example I have: I think I had developed a squish/crush on a girl that I had known for at least a few months. We were already friends. I thought she was cute aesthetically from the beginning, but it was more that we bonded over Altoid tins. She liked collecting them, and I would use Altoids to freshen my breath after eating and I had plenty to give. I liked how happy it made her to have them, although I don't know why she liked them, so I gave them to her when I was through with the mints. I was aware something had changed in how I viewed our relationship, but there was no desire to pursue anything romantically. I didn't want to date her, although I thought about it. Thinking back, I also think I still wouldn't have dated her knowing what I know now. There was also another boy who had a crush on her, and it was obvious that it was a crush by the way he talked about it. Thing is, it didn't bother me. I was happy for him to pursue the relationship, as this girl was already my friend and I didn't feel I needed anything more. A month or so passed and I found out more about her, and the infatuation died out when I realized our interests didn't align. This has happened a handful of times in my life. I would meet a girl, we would be friends before anything happened, something would switch in my brain, and I was happier to be around them. The idea of dating them though was nerve-wracking. I don't know if this is because I feel I am not good with relationships or something else, but it never interested me beyond obsessive thinking, which is common for my OCD brain. After a few weeks, a month or two at most, the infatuation would die down. There was no heartbreak or pain, just something done with. Does this sound more like a crush or a squish? If it is a crush, that would mean I am probably demiromantic, right?
  2. Before I knew what aromantic was, a girl asked me to prom. I tried to be nice, but I was definately blunt in saying, "That's not really my thing". I thought about it for days, and convinced myself to go on a camping trip during prom so I had an excuse for why I said no.
  3. As a kid, I used to enjoy cuddling. It was how I showed affection, but after some trauma through my early life, I don't enjoy touch anymore. My family love to cuddle each other, but I am the one to sit on the other couch, away from them. The idea does not seem to be bad, to be honest, but the reality always makes me uncomfortable.
  4. I was wondering if people say what their aesthetic attraction is, usually? Like hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-. Is it a thing? I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that I am aro/ace, but as a topic of interest, I can still find beauty in almost everyone. More often I experience aesthetic attraction to people who smile a lot and laugh, though, but it never dips into romance or sex. Not even sure if it becomes a squish except for a few times. I am also trying to find a way to be comfortable with being a furry. I love the idea of anthropomorphics, and have written them into my stories, but I become disinterested if I try to imagine it in romantic or sexual ways, at least for myself. Love writing romance between two characters. Anyway, is aesthetic attraction to furries a thing?
  5. @Apex So, I was wondering about fictoromanticism. I don't believe I am like that, but during my mental health crisis a few years ago, I had a psychosis event where I believed in this fictional world. It's a long story, but I imagined having lived a life with someone fictional. I made her up in my head based off a book I was writing at the time. I don't know how much of it was romantically inclined, other than a moment where I thought I had kissed this fictional character, and the hand holdy stuff. Outside of the psychosis, which broke thankfully, I don't have an attraction to fictional characters. Things just are. My OCD brain is a little obsessed about sex, but there is no want involved, I think. It is more like living a nightmare in my head when the obsessions come. Anyway, does this sound like fictoromanticism, or was my brain just playing tricks on me?
  6. I am not the best to describe what a squish is because I am rather new to all of this still, but for me, a squish is when you are attracted to someone because of their personality. You know exactly why you like them, and what you want from them is a closer friendship and to learn more about them. A crush I can't describe very well, either. My brother says a crush is when you see someone and a feeling just comes up. You don't know why, but it is there. (?) I think that's it. I also think it doesn't go away the moment you find something you don't like about them, and you get jealous if someone else likes them, or they like someone else.
  7. I was on the fence sometimes about getting married. I am a cradle Catholic, and I've never identified as anything else in the religious quadrant, so for me it was get married or be a priest. I don't want to be a priest, but lately I realized marriage would be just as bad. I guess most people get married because it's the norm. I would have gotten married because I was taught that was what I need to do. The typical Catholic family: a man, a woman, and lots of babies (lots and lots of babies). The idea kills me. Some religions also say that the single life is more of a time of waiting before your true vocation comes. Maybe so, but I'll probably decide to be in waiting until I die.
  8. So, a lot of people on the forums seem to talk about this misunderstanding of romance or just not getting it. As for myself, I like romance. I like seeing people smile as they look into each other's eyes, and then kiss. It seems nice and intimate to me. I've even written stories where the romance was obvious and I think I got the chemistry down. However, when it comes to myself: Kissing is two people smooshing their lips together for what? I like learning about people, but I have no interest in pursuing anything further. I imagine getting married, but it's vague and about no one, or someone that I, as a teenager with a writer's brain, made up from nothing so I could say that it will happen one day.
  9. A girl asked me to prom and I absent-mindedly said that wasn't really my thing, as politely as I could. I didn't know I might be aro, then, and I am still questioning.
  10. I'm questioning my aromanticism myself, but honestly, I've never even been in a relationship. What I thought were crushes now seem more like squishes. I like romance in books, but it is more about the intimacy of the relationship that I like than the making out and the talks about sex (I am also asexual with a disinterest in having sex). All I can say is that you belong somewhere. I am still looking myself, but there are friends that have accepted me for who I am, and there are people who haven't. If you can, be open about it. Also, as a religious person trying to figure all this stuff out as well, and not knowing how you feel about that aspect, I will just say God Bless.
  11. Thank you. I think this clears things up for me.
  12. Hi, I didn't know where to put this, so sorry if it is in the wrong spot. I am generally new to the aroace community. I'm confident in my asexuality, and happy with it, but am questioning my romantic orientation, and I figured this would be a good place to ask a few questions. First, is it all right to not be happy immediately if I turn out to be aromantic? The idea kind of makes me sad, as I have always liked romance in novels and movies (but not romance novels or rom-coms - Hallmark disgusts me). I used to desire a relationship, but I'm still pretty young at 23, and all the aroace stuff is new to me. I don't think I want to have a relationship with kissing and cuddling though, or other romantic stuff. Second, can I still like romance and be aromantic? As I said above, I like the idea of two people journeying through life together and growing a bond together. I am not romance adverse, but I hate when stories are all about romance. Third, can I have had crushes (I think they were crushes) and be aromantic? So, I have never had romantic feelings toward a person outright. I've had to know them for at least a few months, so I know I am at least demi-romantic, and I only remember having about four of them. However, I never had interest in pursuing my crushes, and they always ended within a month or two of starting, or came to a point where I wasn't even thinking about it anymore. I even had a time where I had a crush on a girl which later I found out my friend had a crush on, and I was perfectly fine with stepping back and letting him pursue it. Fourth, what is really the difference between a romantic relationship and a queerplatonic relationship? I've heard QPRs are somewhere between friendships and romances, but not really described as either. Honestly, the idea of a QPR appeals appeals to me, because what I really want is to not grow up alone and watch all my friends get married, and a lifelong friend seems kind of nice. Finally, I am Catholic, so are there aroace Catholics who have been accepted by the church or even a priest? I have a priest who was kind about my asexuality, but I am not certain if I should be open about my romantic and sexual orientation just yet to the wider community. Thank you for taking the time to answer. EDIT: All right. After doing a few more refined searches on the site, I can say that my crushes were actually squishes. My other questions still stand though. EDIT 2: Also, I am fine with being alone. But life seems a long time to watch people move on.
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