Aroace thinking about (partially) dropping the ace label

[YXSHINN]

I've identified as aroace lesbian for a while, but I'm thinking about partially dropping the asexual label for a few reasons.

 

Even though I'm asexual (18F), me being a lesbian and aromantic has played a much more apparent role in my life than being ace. If I were to get into a committed relationship, my aromanticism would play a mcuh bigger role than me being ace. 

 

For a sex-indifferent ace, I do find myself relating a bit more to alloaros. I'm not opposed to my relationships having a sexual/sensual component (I'm rather for it, I guess). Not to the point where I'd get into one-night stands, but as an ace with an average libido, either a queerplatonic relationship or an alterous relationship with a sensual/sexual component would be ideal.

 

Living together with a girl as close friends, who I'm emotionally and platonically drawn to, whom I may or may not make out with lol.

 

So in short, even though I'm ace, I strongly relate to the alloaro community, and I was wondering if I could identify as such. As far as I know, I don't experience sexual attraction to people, but I will admit that I'm vaguely sensually attracted to women.

 

I'd appreciate it if there were any alloaros who could offer me some wisdom :)

[nisse]

not alloaro, but recently started using just aro myself! have you looked into non-SAM aro? what precisely it means is different for everyone, but for me at least  just don't connect with the ace bit that much. i sometimes still use ace, if it comes up, just to make it clear to allo-allos that aromantic =/= automatically asexual, you know. the general feeling of connecting more to their aro part than their ace part is a sentiment i've seen from a lot of aroaces (not all! but quite a few), especially the ones who hang out here more than AVEN.

honestly i'd love a label for aroace that isn't aroace. i've seen a couple of others talk about this before too, people who want that orientation to be seen as a whole identifier, and not a mashup of two. that's where i'm at too - it's not that i am aro AND ace, i'm aroace. and for now, for me personally, that idea comes across better when using just aro, or non-SAM aro. 

but yeah just wanted to chime in that i'm technically aroace, but i've decided to just use aro!

[YXSHINN]

@nisse Thanks for sharing your wisdom, appreciate it :))

3 hours ago, nisse said:

the general feeling of connecting more to their aro part than their ace part is a sentiment i've seen from a lot of aroaces (not all! but quite a few), especially the ones who hang out here more than AVEN.

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I'm technically ace, but most of the time it's not really worth mentioning or as important as being aro (and lesbian in my case), and I'm glad that's okay.

3 hours ago, nisse said:

not alloaro, but recently started using just aro myself! have you looked into non-SAM aro? what precisely it means is different for everyone, but for me at least  just don't connect with the ace bit that much.

I've looked it up and I relate to the concept a lot! Would it be okay to identify as lesbian as well? I've tried looking for a more in-depth answer regarding this, but I don't think there's any clear consensus among non-SAM aros (about using another label that isn't an aspec identity).

[nisse]

2 hours ago, YXSHINN said:

Would it be okay to identify as lesbian as well?

i mean, i'm a bit of an anarchist when it comes to labels haha, so i'd say yeah if that makes sense to you, go for it. for me, it makes sense to use lesbian as well as aroace, so i don't see why it wouldn't be the same when using lesbian and (non-SAM) aro! if you just say lesbian aro you might have to clarify that you don't mean homosexual aro sometimes, but like ?‍♂️

generally i see queer labels as inherently made to ruffle up the accepted way of things, so i think using lesbian and (non-SAM) aro is more than fine!!

oh, ADDENDUM: i don't think you will find much consensus among non-SAM aros, because in general what it means to use it is so personal, you know? anything from trauma to squicks relating to sexuality, to a disconnect from asexuality, to "just like it". imo, there's no need for a consensus because what it means is up to you. 

then again, ironically, many might disagree with me there haha. those are my Thots and Onions though!

[YXSHINN]

@nisse Thanks for your input~ I think I've finally figured it out ✨ You've been of great help, big time!