just quite confused

[slut4bagels]

Hi! I’m new here and I thought this website might give me a bit of a better understanding of my identity. I’ve been questioning both my sexual and romantic orientation for a while now and I’m still very unsure (not that I am in a rush to figure stuff out or put a label on myself, it just affects forming relationships with people and within existing ones). I have little experience, if you will, when it comes to dating/romance stuff. My first relationship, as a seventeen y.o girl, just ended earlier this month and now thinking back on it, i’m pretty positive i am ace, but am now questioning the romantic part. I remember feeling really really sick to my stomach and just panicky (to the point of shaking and having irregular breathing) when he asked to hang out for the first time.  I absolutely dreaded going to see him. And it was like that for a while until I got “comfortable” or familiar with this person. When he told me he liked me I guess in a way, I kind of went along with it LOL. Things progressed and we had hung out a lot and I had my first kiss, but there was never a label on anything, so when the day came that we discussed and he had you know asked what we are, we mutually agreed on bf/gf/ dating. But thinking back on it now, same thing, I went along with it. We’d hang out a lot and kiss/cuddle (which I love! physical affection) and I think I just assumed well, friends don’t do this, so I guess I do like him and we are dating? The thing is, fast forward to today and I have such a hard time telling if I even am attracted to anyone. It feels the same for everyone: an infatuation almost, thinking they are super duper cool and interesting and just, wow! like, i’ll see some stranger with dyed hair and piercings and super awesome outfit on, and i’m like DAMN! They are so cool. I wanna be like them! ? I started thinking I had crushes on my girl best friends, thus making me think I was gay or bi (because sexual stuff with a guy was repulsive and made me feel heavily uncomfortable) BUT!!! what does liking someone even feel like? I feel like I could be close (in the way that society would deem as “romantic”) with anyone! Like my friends, I would be open to cuddling and that kind of stuff but not it being inherently romantic?? I love the idea of a relationship, having someone be “mine” and i’m “theirs”, especially with a girl!!!, but when it comes to reality I can’t even tell if I have those feelings for anyone at all. I just think every human is super cool? And beautiful? 

Sorry about the length of post!!! I’m open to hearing about any similar experiences or feelings ! Thanks! 
- very confused human being

Edited July 27, 2021 by slut4bagels

[Sofia]

Hi! My experience has been very similar to you in that I had a boyfriend for some months that I - while figuring out I was aro - had no romantic or sexual attraction to even though I thought that was the case when I was dating him. Incidently, that period of my life was also filled with anxiety and just like you I had full on anxiety attacks in the beginning of the relationship, but it got a little bit better as it went along. At least for me, I always have never really fully understand the difference in dating someone and just being good friends. So I just went along with it and confused my sensual attraction to him as romantic. Also, you might be feeling different types of attraction, like aesthetic and platonic, towards other people and there is nothing wrong with that. When I see other people (especially girls) that dress similar to me in style (goth and alternative) I am like drawn to them and I want to get to know them and such. You might also wanna look into Queerplatonic relationship and see if that is something that interests you :) I know it does for me atleast. ?