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A questioning mess

Guest Ash

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Hi, so as the title says, I'm in this stressed state of questioning whether or not I am aro. I feel confident in my identity as an asexual but while the possibility of being aro has been in the back of my mind for a few years, it always scared me. Even now as I come to terms with the fact that I seem to relate to a lot of the things said on here, I still doubt myself whether I'm aro enough. I'm 16 and have never had a crush, I literally used to just pick one of my best guy friends in primary school when I was eventually asked who I had a crush on. I seem to like the idea of romance and sometimes do picture myself in a romantic relationship but thinking of it practically, I just don't really get it. The only real way I can justify myself getting married is for tax benefits and even then, marrying my best friend and just living with them sounds pretty great. Even when I was little, the best way I could/can describe a romantic relationship is best friends but with kissing and it amazes me how kids my age are in relationships because we are literal children. Focusing on those thoughts made me remember, oh yeah, I've never had a crush, have I? Or felt any real urge to be in a romantic relationship because the sound if it felt kind of awkward and constricting? Sorry for the word vomit but if anyone is willing to offer advice, I would really appreciate it 'cause I really don't have someone in my life to ask about this.

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Hi! To me, it does seem like you're aromantic. 

12 hours ago, Guest Ash said:

I still doubt myself whether I'm aro enough.

Honestly, there's no such thing as being aro enough. Aromanticism is a whole spectrum, and you could lie anywhere on it. Not all aros are repulsed by romance, some of us may like watching romantic stuff, but that doesn't make us any less aro.

The fact that you haven't had any crushes and don't like the idea of a romantic relationship are strong pointers that you're aromantic. 

If you feel like the term 'aromantic' doesn't exactly fit you, you could look into greyromantic, or other labels under the spectrum. 

I personally found this to be quite helpful while I was questioning my identity. 

Edited by Leia Williams
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Hey there,

Your post was a little unnerving to read because you've just described exactly where I was two years ago! 

For me, even once I was pretty sure I was aromantic, I kept doubting myself and thinking that I wasn't aro enough because I wasn't completely romance repulsed. But like Leia said, 

14 minutes ago, Leia Williams said:

there's no such thing as being aro enough.

If you feel like the term aromantic (or anything under the aro spectrum) fits you, you are aro enough. I think it's normal to have doubts about your orientation, and you can call yourself aro without being 100% sure.

When I was questioning my romantic orientation, I was sort of waiting for an epiphany/"lightbulb" moment because that's what happened when I found the term grey-asexual, but coming to terms with being aromantic turned out to be a slow process. Questioning can be really confusing and scary, and there's so much pressure to know exactly who you are, but you can try on a label without committing to identifying that way forever.

So, don't put too much pressure on yourself. You can call yourself aro even if you have doubts, but there's also nothing wrong with being questioning.

Best of luck!


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Hi, I just wanted to say thank you both so much for the reassurance and all of your advice. @Leia Williams, the article was really helpful at making me calm down by breaking everything into easy terms and @Intergalactic Indigo, thank you for reminding me that it's about whatever label makes me feel comfortable - having someone say it to you is a lot more impactful than reading it in an article. After reading a lot more on the forum, I realised that I probably relate to cupioromantics the best as I really love the idea of a romantic relationship but have a meltdown when it confronts me in real life. Grayromantic also feels good but I feel so much better being able to narrow it down at least a bit and am just gonna leave it for a while.

Thank you again and I hope you're both keeping well :)

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