Hey there

[tonks416]

Hi there - I literally just joined tonight, and am leaving myself the label of "questioning" because...well, I am. I've kind of been sitting with the idea of being aroace for a while now, but decided to kind of dig more into what that would mean. I wanted to join a forum because I don't have anywhere else to talk about these things. The past few years that I've been talking about me possibly being ace with some of my close friends, and the response I get every time is basically that I like sex too much to be ace. Well, I feel like that's the same response I'd get about being aro: How can you be aro if you're in a relationship? Answer: I don't know, but I'm still pretty sure I'm right. Maybe I just need a community to learn from to figure out what anything means. 

[Andy Lu]

Hello there! I just joined several minutes ago.

If you feel that you're aro/ace, that is perfectly valid - you can enjoy sex without feeling sexually attracted to someone, and you can be in a relationship without experiencing romantic attraction. The wonder of having several billion inhabitants of this earth is that there is a plethora of relationship dynamics that can and do exist. You know yourself best, so if you identify with being on the aromantic/asexual spectrums, then you're on them! And if you're still at the questioning stage, that's absolutely alright!

I've recently embarked upon a journey of self discovery. I think I've always known that I was asexual and possibly aromantic (but I didn't know the word for it at the time). I come from a very conservative, religious background, so when I would joke about just shaking hands with my spouse on our wedding day, I was scolded by a couple of members of the church that I was attending for not "considering my husband's needs" (whatever the heck that means). I was told that I just hadn't met the right person and that I shouldn't not have a desire to have a relationship and to get married.

I now know that my sexual and romantic orientation (and now my gender identity) are valid, and what's amazing is that I'm not alone - there's a community of us friendzoners! ? You're not alone either. ? Thanks so much for sharing!

Nice to meet you,

Lu ??

[Nessa]

Hello and welcome.

Nice to have a new member.

As @Andy Luhas said if you think that you are aro/ace there is nothing wrong with it. sometimes it takes time to really figure out this kind of things. You may think that you are aro/ace for the moment and find out that you are not in a few years and that absolutely valid don't worry. Take the time you need to find who you really are.

The fact that you love having sex as nothing to do with being asexual, some aces love sex being asexual is not having sexual desire, not getting hot as some may say, not having an urge to have sex. Everyone is different.

Myself I don't have sexual desire and don't like sex, I am also aromantic as I never felt any romantic attraction to anyone, never been in love, and never been interested in having a relationship. I know a lot of aros want to have a platonic relationship, what they call a qpr so you can perfectly be in a relationship and being aro you are still valid.

I only knew that I was aroace even without knowing the words I guess that until a few months ago I didn't feel like I had to have a word for it. I knew about asexuality but never heard about aromanticism as these 2 things are completely unknown in my country. When I found out about it I read all the informations I could find and just knew that I was aro. And I have to say that now I am happy to know what I am it is like a relief to know it and to know that there is nothing wrong with me.

You will find a lot of different themes in this forum with people talking about their experiences maybe some of it will help you.

I hope that you will enjoy being a part of this community.

Take care

Nessa