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Am I Aro?


Guest bigbug123
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Guest bigbug123

I wanted to get some opinions on what you guys think because I feel pretty confident about being ace but aro is a little bit trickier. I'm pretty convinced that all I'm really capable of feeling is a close emotional bond and I really desire for a close platonic bond. But I keep questioning myself because I keep remembering this guy I really really liked in highschool before the thought of ever being aro entered my mind. I wanted to be in a relationship with him (at the time) but I'm confused because the more I think about it the more I realize that I loved the "connection" I had with him. I felt like I could open up with him. I don't really have a solid grasp on what romantic attraction is...but I remember him asking me what it was I liked about him. And me being stupid said I liked him because he was nice. I don't know I guess this is more of a rant. I think I'm aro but then doubt all of it because I really really liked this guy but maybe that was just forced on me by society. Also, maybe this is more along the lines of asexuality, but before I started seeing him I really didn't know that couples had regular sex with one another. I genuinely thought that couples spent their time together just cuddling and like talking with each other. Help! Any thoughts? I know it's really up to me to decide but I would appreciate anything. 

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Hello, 

It is hard to say if you are aro or not as you say it is really up to you.

Maybe try to figure out how you felt when you used to think about him or was with him  and try to see if it was different than when you were with very closed friends. I heard that romantics feel something different. If you have some friends that you are confortable to talk about that, try to ask them how they feel when they are in love: butterfly in the stomach, the heart goes faster, they miss this person and think about her/him all the time...

I hope that you will find your answers, it may takes time :-D

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I recently started calling myself aromantic after polling several friends about, specifically, their physical response to feeling "love." It took about 2 months and a therapy session to finally understand how I "feel" it, but its very similar to what you describe. I know I am "in love" when I feel safe. That means feeling safe enough to share my thoughts, my emotions, etc. whether that be with friends or with a partner (I was in a relationship during this.)

You're kind of hitting on that same feeling. You didn't say whether or not you "felt" love, but you felt safe to be open with someone.

Take it or leave it, but I identify as aro (still playing around with it, but pretty confident), soooo....I don't see why you couldn't call yourself aro.

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1 hour ago, meaningfulgibberish said:

I recently started calling myself aromantic after polling several friends about, specifically, their physical response to feeling "love." It took about 2 months and a therapy session to finally understand how I "feel" it, but its very similar to what you describe. I know I am "in love" when I feel safe. That means feeling safe enough to share my thoughts, my emotions, etc. whether that be with friends or with a partner (I was in a relationship during this.)

You're kind of hitting on that same feeling. You didn't say whether or not you "felt" love, but you felt safe to be open with someone.

Take it or leave it, but I identify as aro (still playing around with it, but pretty confident), soooo....I don't see why you couldn't call yourself aro.

Same here.

Before I knew about my aromanticism I told a friend that I never had been "in love" so far. She was a bit confused and asked me how I could know that I'm a lesbian when I never had a "crush" on a girl. My response: "It just feels right to call myself lesbian."?‍♀️

To cut a long story short, only your heart knows how you identify. If it feels right to say "I'm aromantic", you are aromantic. If it doesn't feel right, maybe you aren't or it's not the right label for now but maybe the right in the future or in the past. Or you doesn't need a label at all.

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