Coming Out to My Best Friend

[Guest yoikesimawreck]

I've always felt that friends are my top priority. This idea is kinda what propelled me into thinking I might be a-spec (at the very least). I would do anything for my best friend and I'm kind of a whore for close emotional connections. Anyway, my best friend just got into a relationship and i haven't come out to her quite yet...but I have told her that it really scared me that they would ditch me for their new partner. It terrifies me knowing that I'll be knocked to second tier on the relationship priority list over a romantic relationship. I feel like her finally knowing I'm acearo would help her understand why I feel the way I feel. But I'm really scared to come out because I feel like I'm in a way outting myself. Like if I tell her that I've always felt like my future isn't that of a romantic one and more aligned with marrying a best friend, I feel like they would assume I'm talking about her. And the truth is...I kind of am. If she were a-spec I would be totally cool vibing out marrying a best friend and living together in a platonic relationship. I want to tell her about my feelings and come out to them to help her understand why I feel the way I do about her being in a relationship but I'm just scared. I don't know if coming out is the right solution even though I really want to because this has been weighing in my head for a year now. Any advice or reassurance would be so so helpful. I'm so new to all of this and it's scary. Btw she's not super into relationships, she doesn't plan on marrying (in a traditional romantic sense I think) and she's pan I don't know about romantic orientation. 

[roboticanary]

15 hours ago, Guest yoikesimawreck said:

It terrifies me knowing that I'll be knocked to second tier on the relationship priority list over a romantic relationship

Yes, this is definitely something I feel too

15 hours ago, Guest yoikesimawreck said:

I feel like her finally knowing I'm acearo would help her understand why I feel the way I feel. But I'm really scared to come out because I feel like I'm in a way outting myself.

This is a fair point, perhaps if she knew this she might be more willing to see why you would be worried.

Unfortunately it is impossible to let her know you are aro without telling her you are aro, so you will be outing yourself to her by definition. I do not know what is best for you to do here but hopefully what I say is useful, you will have to choose whether to tell her or not. 

Without knowing the person you are talking about I have no idea if coming out to her is the right decision.

If you need some advice on coming out there are a couple of threads here: 

and here:  

 

which might be useful.

There is also a good thread here which has quite a few people's experiences of coming out: 

As I say, without knowing the person I can't answer whether you should come out but hopefully this gave you a few pointers.