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HELP!? Never had a crush and I'm questioning if I'm aro?


Guest Kiki
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Guest Kiki

Ok so I've floated around on this hunk of rock ambling through space for a good few years now and I've never had a crush, not once. I've never felt romantic attraction to anyone, heck I don't even look at the kissing scenes in movies. I've immediately shot down even the slightest romantic advances on me (even if it was only 2) and I feel uncomfortable at the idea of a romantic relationship. The idea of living with someone like a roommate and just chillin with them, sure, but romantically? Idk just makes me shuffle in my seat.

Humanity has a need to give everything a label and I've vibed without one for a while, but I'm getting a little stressed out not knowing what I am. I'm starting to question whether or not I might be aromantic because of the aforementioned reasons but then my brain goes, oh but what if you just haven't met the right person yet? And I'm just not sure?

I know people probably won't see this, but seeing a forum of aromantics I thought maybe this would be a good place to question myself.

 

Anyway, I hope you are all having a wonderful day/night wherever you are in this small world :)

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Hi Kiki,

we see you! It's nice to meet you!

I absolutely understand the need for a label but I've become a bit more careful about that these days.
The first thing you should be aware of is that aromanticism is a spectrum. It's different for everybody and you probably won't find an experience that 100% matches your own even on a big forum. You are you and all of your feelings and doubts and conclusions are valid: whatever label you end up identifying with is to help you better understand yourself and communicate; it is not a definition of your personality, which may very well change and grow with time.

From what you describe, I believe you are on the aromantic spectrum. That, by the way, would still be true if in future you do meet one person (or even several people) you get romantic feelings for because it's still a lot less frequent than would happen for an alloromantic person. Also, identifying as aro doesn't mean you "give up" on romance or relationships - but I do find it takes pressure off you to behave like Hollywood movies tell you to.

It also doesn't mean you doom yourself to a life of solitude. What you describe about chillin with roommates, that can be deep and intimate and very rewarding. You might want to read into "queer-platonic relationships".

Anyways, that's my two cents! And welcome to the forums (says the newbie who's not even been here for more than a week ;))!

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sounds like you are aromantic, even you are right and you fall in love with someone, it's perfectly ok to change what you identify as! don't feel pressured to be 100% sure of who you are. I actually was only confidant that I was aromantic around a month ago, near when I joined this forum, and I was still questioning my identity before that!

 

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8 hours ago, Guest Kiki said:

starting to question whether or not I might be aromantic because of the aforementioned reasons but then my brain goes, oh but what if you just haven't met the right person yet? And I'm just not sure

I think it sounds like you’re aromantic, and this isn’t uncommon, I’m pretty sure I’m aroace, but sometimes I’ll still worry about stuff like this, one thing that helps is to think about it logically, like, if you haven’t felt romantic attraction for anyone yet, in your whole life, then the chances that you will are pretty slim. also, if you don’t feel completely comfortable saying that you’re aro, you could say you’re arospec, because you’re definitely on the aromantic spectrum.

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Guest Kiki

Thank you all so much, all of this is really helping and you are all so kind and understanding. Seriously, thank you!

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