friendships rant(?)

[mediocrejoke]

does anyone else take friendships too serious? or maybe its just me overthinking, thanks trauma. what i mean is i want friends but im also afraid of getting hurt again. i've had too many people stop talking to me, which is fine bc im not entitled to anyone time but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. i've also gotten close to people only to find out they're racist or misogynistic, which f*cking SUCKS. most people make friends by probably hanging out with their current friends who have other friends and then they all become friends, right? well around my age at least (early 20's) but uhhhh i only have one friend and she lives in a different country LMAO. i have tried apps and websites, and from there i would put my leftist ideals in my bio so i could talk to like minded people but nobody ever went past the awkward phase where we just say "hey" and "hows it going?" (except the one friend i have now) lol so now i've just given up and pine for friendship from behind my screen.

Edited January 18, 2021 by mediocrejoke
typo

[Erederyn]

I'm sorry to hear that you've had negative experiences with friendships, it really sucks when that happens. Making new friends is hard, even more so when previous attempts didn't turn out well.  It also doesn't help that it can sometimes be harder to make friends as an adult and opportunities are limited in the middle of a pandemic. I get the frustration, though. I moved to a new country a couple of years ago and I'm still learning the language and trying to build up an entirely new social network as an adult (I've had people tell me to my face that they don't want to hang out because they already have enough friends, which okay, I get but yeesh).

Since internet is not really working for you, is it possible for you to join some IRL clubs or organizations to meet people? I get that many things are closed now/it's harder to go out and do things, so maybe that's just not an option, but that could help. It's sometimes easier getting to know people when there is some external reason for getting together (like with an organization/club). If/when you want to try making friends again, it's something you could try out! I also get if you're just not interested in that now.

[mediocrejoke]

2 hours ago, Erederyn said:

I'm sorry to hear that you've had negative experiences with friendships, it really sucks when that happens. Making new friends is hard, even more so when previous attempts didn't turn out well.  It also doesn't help that it can sometimes be harder to make friends as an adult and opportunities are limited in the middle of a pandemic. I get the frustration, though. I moved to a new country a couple of years ago and I'm still learning the language and trying to build up an entirely new social network as an adult (I've had people tell me to my face that they don't want to hang out because they already have enough friends, which okay, I get but yeesh).

Since internet is not really working for you, is it possible for you to join some IRL clubs or organizations to meet people? I get that many things are closed now/it's harder to go out and do things, so maybe that's just not an option, but that could help. It's sometimes easier getting to know people when there is some external reason for getting together (like with an organization/club). If/when you want to try making friends again, it's something you could try out! I also get if you're just not interested in that now.

thank you. im sorry you've had to interact with jerks, i can't believe people have said that to you, i thought only teens acted like that. how can you put a cap on how many friends you can have?? that's just weird.

i appreciate the suggestion but im not a fan of big groups of people, i get all awkward so instead i keep quiet. plus im like a caretaker for my little brother who is homebound right now bc he refuses to wear a mask (he's disabled and doesn't understand) so since he's home, im home. also i know my wording at the end sounded like i don't want to make friends at all but that's not it. i just meant i stopped putting myself out there and "shooting me shot" platonically to people who i thought we're cool and wanted to befriend lol but really thank you for the kind words :)) 

[Erederyn]

1 hour ago, mediocrejoke said:

thank you. im sorry you've had to interact with jerks, i can't believe people have said that to you, i thought only teens acted like that. how can you put a cap on how many friends you can have?? that's just weird.

i appreciate the suggestion but im not a fan of big groups of people, i get all awkward so instead i keep quiet. plus im like a caretaker for my little brother who is homebound right now bc he refuses to wear a mask (he's disabled and doesn't understand) so since he's home, im home. also i know my wording at the end sounded like i don't want to make friends at all but that's not it. i just meant i stopped putting myself out there and "shooting me shot" platonically to people who i thought we're cool and wanted to befriend lol but really thank you for the kind words :)) 

Yeah, it was an... interesting experience, for sure lol.

But yeah, I can see how clubs/organizations are not the best option ? I'm not a fan of big groups myself, so I started a small online book club (3 people) and language practice group (4 people), and I made some connections that way. But I get that you want to stop putting yourself out there after not having much luck. Sometimes you just need to take a break from trying and let yourself pine a little, nothing wrong with that! I hope things go more in your favor in the future, though :)