mozart Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 Hello everyone, this is the first time that I'm posting in this forum, so hi everybody ? I'm 25 years old and also asexual. My feelings about romance confuse me a great deal, and I thought some input from other people could help me understand it better. Thanks in advance for reading this and telling me your thoughts! The thing is sometimes I strongly believe that I'm aromantic, and sometimes I believe I'm only in the grayish zone. I thought it might be useful to tell you about my past romantic (?) experiences (they are in chronological order): When I was a child and heard about marriage my usual thought was "adults do this? I don't want to do it, but I'm also no adult". When I was 12 I started to befriend a girl in my class. I was sure that she loved me, and I thought that I loved her too, but for some reason it didn't feel right to tell her. Maybe I was too anxious, maybe I was always waiting for a better moment to ask her, or maybe I was already aware that a relationship is not something for me and that it will hurt her feelings when I would have to break up again. When I was around 16 and whenever a girl has openly crushed on me I really didn't know what to do. I was afraid of hurting the person and always acted very weirdly, nervously, and anxiously around them. Eventually they stopped crushing on me. I recently had a possible crush on a girl. I liked her because of her personality, how she looked, how she moved, and how she smelled. Although I liked her personality we didn't talk much and never really connected in conversations. I eventually asked her out on a date because it was what I had learned to do from media, but she declined. It was no big deal: I was a bit disappointed, but also a bit happy. After she declined my feelings slowly faded. Shortly after finding out about my asexuality I started using a dating app. My rationale behind this was "being asexual makes it harder to find a relationship, and if I don't start searching for a partner now I will never find someone". I eventually got bored and didn't see the point in using it anymore. I have had feelings for other people that were probably not platonic and not romantic. The best I can describe these feelings is like having found a soulmate. They made me think a lot about the person, made me wanting to be closer, and made me feel like they were completing me like a lost part of myself. I still have problems in dealing with the "lost part of myself" feeling, so if you have similar feelings it would be nice to here some advice from you. When I discovered queerplatonic relationships I found them adorable, and I think I would like to be part of one. I have never been in a relationship, and I don't really understand how relationships work. I think what I don't understand is what the other person expects of me, and why they expect it. I don't understand dating culture. I know that the supposed purpose is to get to know the other person and to see if you're compatible, but I don't understand how a date should differ from a meetup with a new friend. Very rarely I have moments similar to love at first sight. I see a person and get stunned by them. I don't know if it's because they are looking very beautiful, or because I sense some kind of connection with them, or if it's something else. The best I can describe this connection is a feeling of being genetically compatible with the other person if that makes any sense. What it does is sound like I'm a cyborg. What are your thoughts? Do you have any similar feelings or thoughts? With kind regards, mozart Quote
Holmbo Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 Hi Have you looked into descriptions other kinds of attractions. It's not just all sexual or romantic https://www.aromanticism.org/en/attraction-relationship-terms Quote
mozart Posted January 16, 2021 Author Posted January 16, 2021 Hey Holmbo, thanks for your advice to look at the different terms! I had looked into some of them before but your source contains some terms that I didn't know before, e.g. Exteramo attraction. I think my problem is that I can't really recognize myself in any of the terms. I probably experience Alterous or Exteramo attraction to some degree but these terms are just described as "not platonic and not romantic". I guess what I would like to know is how Alterous or Exteramo attraction feel like for other people so that I can say wether or not my feelings are romantic or Alterous/Exteramo. Right now I don't really understand what romantic feelings are, and since I don't know how they feel like I also can't say what they do NOT feel like, but unfortunately this is how Alterous/Exteramo attraction is defined. Are there maybe already posts on this forum about how Alterous or Exteramo attraction feels like? Quote
mozart Posted January 16, 2021 Author Posted January 16, 2021 Update: I just found this adorable shortfilm about Alterous attraction, and I can relate so much to this. Now I'm much more confident that what I feel is Alterous attraction and not romance. Quote
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