Tino Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 A few months ago i got into a relatshionship which made me realize i was on the aro specrum probably so i broke up with them. I was really in denial and i told myself that i just didnt like the girl that way and i should try again. So a few days ago i got into a relationship with my best friend. They know that this is kind of a try out for me and wouldnt be mad if i broke up with them. This relationship has been on my mind a lot and everytime i think about it i feel generally bad and pressured and i dont know why. I mostly tell myself that i can just learn to do this [ this is a long distance relationship btw] and the feeling will pass. But what if it wont?? What if i just lead them on and then when i eventually break up with them, it hurts them more? Should i just break up with them now? Wouldnt that be hypocritical since i was the one who proposed the whole thing? Please give me advice im super lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 I remember that feeling. 5 hours ago, Micah said: feel generally bad and pressured and i dont know why. I mostly tell myself that i can just learn to do this [ this is a long distance relationship btw] and the feeling will pass. Discomfort, telling myself that there was no REAL reason for me to feel this discomfort, trying to pretend I didn't. That lasted for a bit over a month before I wisened up and realized that the discomfort itself was the only answer I needed. The push that finally made me break up was realizing I started wanting to avoid my friend, and if I was to retain any warm feelings, then the romantic side of the relationship had to go, before all my affection had been replaced by that ever present discomfort. 5 hours ago, Micah said: They know that this is kind of a try out for me and wouldnt be mad if i broke up with them. You asked to do this to try it out, and from the sound of it, it already feels wrong. It really sounds like you have your answer, that you don't actually want this. It makes absolutely no sense to me, to stay in a relationship with the hope that the bad feelings will go away and the good feelings your are told you ought to have will suddenly materialize out of nothing. I think you should trust your feelings on this. It sounds like it won't even be a difficult breakup. You were honest with your friend, they know what's up. It isn't hypocritical to break up now, just because you got the results quickly. If you know you're aro, and that this relationship does not give you joy, then break up. I suspect that the sooner you do it, the easier it will be (even if it feels difficult enough already). In my experience, it does not help to deny your feelings and draw things out. 7 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DivineCyst Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 On 1/10/2021 at 11:38 PM, Micah said: A few months ago i got into a relatshionship which made me realize i was on the aro specrum probably so i broke up with them. I felt that. I realized I was on the aro spectrum a few days ago and then I broke up with the guy I was seeing today bc I was just- no. And the best part was, he knew it was going to happen. So that made it easier for both of us. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightier Pen Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 On 1/10/2021 at 9:38 PM, Micah said: This relationship has been on my mind a lot and everytime i think about it i feel generally bad and pressured and i dont know why. I mostly tell myself that i can just learn to do this [ this is a long distance relationship btw] and the feeling will pass. But what if it wont?? If this is something you decide that you want to continue pursuing--which, as is noted above, you're under no obligation to do--I wonder if conceptualizing this as a relationship is part of what's causing the pressure you're feeling. There's a lot of pressure to define things, society tells us that spending time with someone = dating and dating = relationship, but that's just not true. This person is your best friend, and if your friendship looks different but is still supportive and rewarding to both of you, then, cool? But if it's not, then that's also a useful thing to know as well. Your best friend will continue to support you, they went into this eyes open. If you're not feeling like this is the right thing for you right now, take a step back. You got this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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