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Having trouble finding myself out

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Guest PlsHelp

I’m writing to maybe get some help from people that are more educated on this subject. I recently started thinking that I might be aromantic or asexual but I’m having a hard time figuring myself out. I guess that I could describe the way I see myself and maybe I could get some help?

I have never experienced romantic feelings towards anyone, I believe that I have had crushes but as soon as the friendship moved towards something more I couldn’t go further and the crush feeling wasn’t there anymore. I do want to see myself being with someone special but also not in a super romantic relationship; maybe more casual. 
I also don’t really experience sexual attraction and find sex in general undesirable. Hugging and cuddling is fine though. 

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That sounds aro to me. not experiencing romantic feelings is about as clear aro as you can get.

maybe to help you pin down how you feel it might be worth expanding on that 'I believe I have had crushes' bit and wanting to be with someone. ask yourself what you actually want to experience with that person, that might help you pin down what you are actually feeling. The way I see it there are a couple of things which might help you. 

1. have a look at how other people describe 'squishes', and 'queerplatonic relationships' and see how these ideas fit in to what you want. it could be that the reason the feeling dissapeared was that you didnt actually want to go romantic in the way that the other people looked for. That is just a general thing as well, you will likely become more confident exploring an identity when you work through what you are interested in.

2. Unfortunately i cannot find much on it at the moment but there are some people that have romantic attraction which fades when the other person becomes interested. A similar concept is frayromantic, where romantic attraction fades as you get to know people more. something like this might be a different explanation for why that crush feeling disappeared.

Edited by roboticanary
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