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Confused About If I'm Aro or Not


VAKYN
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Hello to everybody! (My English isn't good, so please don't mind any mistake) And this is a long post, venting my feelings and thoughts.

So uhm, I'm confused (and scared) because even though I know barely about this label, I'm not sure. But to start, I'm 19 years old and I never had a romantic relationship, and I don't have the desire of pursing one. I'm very confortable with my family and close friends.

Everyone around me talked about crushes, but I felt they were overexaggerating it, and when the opportunity of having a crush came, I dimissed it because it felt so unconfortable and scary, although they were friendly and attractive. The only "crushes" or squishes (?) (That's the term? I'm sorry, I'm new at this community) were always celebrities, always fitting into my type of attractiviness, like the feeling of watching a piece of art at a museum... Now that I'm typing, it looks that I'm desahumanizing them but I'm not!!!! It's just because they're far of my reach and I can breathe without forcing myself to do any type of pursue to them, a thing I can't do in my environment. 

Another thing is I'm not confortable with hugs (only when I give them, not the other way around) and kisses. Especially the second thing, the first two and only kisses I received was so boring and unconfortable, I wanted to get out of the place so quickly. My friend told me in the future it would get better. But I thought all the things said about kisses were utterly lies and I was dissapointed because I felt nothing but discomfort, I didn't get the passion of it. Also I never daydreamed about romantic things with myself involving. 

My mother told me I should experience more, but I'm so uninteresed to go to dates or meeting someone with romantic reasons. I feel it is a burden for myself.

However, a lot of doubts come especially when I see sweet couples or when I'm reading a romantic story, or when I come to sites like this, and I always wonder: "Maybe I'm overanalyzing too much into myself, and I actually didn't found the right one or I'm emotionally unstable". I think I'm aro but those doubts are too painful and something inside me don't want to acknowledge it, so it makes everything confused. I want to stop pretending something is wrong with me and be okay.

 

Again, sorry for the long post. I don't know where to go.

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Hi

first,  what you describe sounds like being aromantic  to me. Those doubts are common to a lot of aros and I am sure many here feel that same pain.

As for where to go next, I would really recommend the AUREA FAQ on aromanticism which is often a good start for questioning whether you are aro, but is also a good validator. If you feel that some aspect of who you are causes you to doubt if you are aro there is a fair chance someone has already put it on there. It is linked at the top of this site.

For example to quote from it about romantic stories, which you mention:

Q: IS IT OK TO IDENTIFY AS AROMANTIC AND ENJOY ROMANTIC STORIES?

A: Yes, you can identify as aromantic and enjoy romantic stories. In general, people enjoy certain things in fiction that they wouldn’t want to be part of in real life themselves. It is worth noting that aromantic people who may like reading about romance wouldn’t necessarily be more comfortable with seeing romantic gestures in person. Some aromantic people have the experience of seeing stories about romance as unreal but fascinating, similar to stories about magic.

So it might be a good option to allow you to work through some of those doubts, to get an understanding that your ideas of romance in fiction or seeing happy couples would not invalidate being aromantic.

Other than that, you already found this forum, so keep chatting to aros. 

for your mother's argument that you should experience more: I have no idea how to deal with responding to her, but just remembber that you are under no obligation to seek out experiences you dont feel comfortable with.

 

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