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Heya! I'm new here, so while this doubles as an introduction, its also a vent of sort.

I recently figured out I'm aro. Like within the past six months kinda recent. Originally I was going by greyromantic, then greyromantic and quoiromantic. Just earlier tonight while looking for a place like this, i found the term idemromantic, which ive seen described as both of the labels i have been / was using so, that"s exciting.

So, around this time i realised, two big things happened. I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years, and i met a new person who I've, somewhat unfortunately, began crushing on. In case youre curious, i split with my boyfriend, lets call him C, because i was struggling with mental health issues, along with my own identity (both sexually and romantically) and i figured it was best i had some time alone to kinda sort things out. My labels I've mostly sorted out, mental health not so much but that's kinda the norm for me. Although I've had to come to the understanding that i dont find him attractive in the way I previously thought i had, and have no interest in pursuing a future romantic relationship with him:/

Now, when i met this new person, lets call her J, I knew her as this asexual (sex repulsed) panromantic. I mention this bc it leads into my current concerns. So; an asexual person and an aromantic person crushing on one another. Sometimes i really hate the gods. After a not so brief existential crisis over my identity and feelings i finally realised that yes,  I vibe with her in a not so platonic way.

I really, really, like J. Although as of right now we're both solid on wanting to be single so we're just semi-flirty friends. And it kinda kills me. I've been in a lot of relationships, and most of them i've felt like ive fricked up, so my brain has been trying to distance myself from her i think. I dont want to screw it up, but by not texting her I already am, and its just messy and ugh. As of now she's come to realise shes not asexual, but she's still repulsed and I constantly worry that when we meet up I might accidentally do something that makes her uncomfortable or upset without realising and AHH.

Anyways- thank you if you've read all this.....disaster. 


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Welcome :) That does sound very confusing and complicated.  I've never been in a relationship so can't give a lot of advice I'm afraid.  I wonder if you've spoken to J about any of the way you feel or if you're worried that would affect your friendship or just trying to work it out yourself first?

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