Do I feel romantic atraction or something other?

[BlackBerry]

 

Hi everyone! I'm new here Gray/Aromantic (idk I'm still not sure). I write this post to get an answer wich I looking for a long time. 

Soooo... In my whole (short) life I acting a bit Aromantic. You know... I don't really care about romance, find movie kisses disgusting, run away from adorators, prefer sci-fi/comedies to watch, avoid "boyfriend/'my type' " conversations. 

Also as a kid I liked to play 'house' with other girls but to avoid 'partner' i played as a dog. Everyone liked dogs so it was a perfect plan for me. And when it comes to play with dolls my character always stayed buisnes-woman and never have kids/husband while my friends character get both.

Nothing really change from that days. I still feel not right when I see couples/kissing in movies (I run away to avoid that). I don't really care about romantic partner (who cares? When I got so many great friends) while other girls have crushes then boyfriends and break ups and more... Mayby I can imagine begin close with someone but without kissing/dating/romantic gifts ect. It is just weird... I guess. 

My life goal is make my own buisnes and have a cat (mayby adopt kid but I don't really need this. idk I'm 16).

To this point everything look's like I'm aro. But there's a something Else. 

When I was 14 years old... I was get some kind of crush on a boy. I think that he is cool (he got much good marks and play the guitar) and handsome (in non-sexual way bc I' m Ace). I like to imagine being close with him but... I don't see this like other girls do. 

I want someone who will care about me and who I can care about. Someone who will stay with me to the end (I don't like feel alone). 

But I never get jealus about someone (even my crush/whatever he is). I need my space and I can't handle someone who is 24/7 with me and do all romantic stuff (it is so tiring). 

I want someone to hug or who will cheer me up. 

But I don't want to marry this person. 

I (probably) don't want to have kids 

I feel 'cut' from "I need to find the one". No I don't need ONE™, I need friend. 

I don't get romantic stories in all (why do you travel around the world just for her, wtf?) 

Back to the Mr. Crush (Let's call him Richard). 

Richard is cool guy I get nervous around him (it can be social anxiety idk) and I often dream abot become friend/couple with him... But when it comes to do it in real life I just think: "meh... I got Monica she's my bestie. I don't really need him."

So when he smiles it is really cute and I get some thoughts like: "Why the hell I get so emberased... He is just preety!?" 

I'm not too confident to go to him and (make science obserwations about my self) say 'hi'... I don't really ceare about make him my friend/ partner (gross... ). 

So as I said earlier: "It might be anxiety mixed with aesthetic/platonic/alterous atraction bc I always get nervous around preety peoples (in non romantic/sexual way). 

In the pas I imagined myself with Richard in romantic and sexual way (but I'm ace so I think it might be just a 'normative' mindset [I'm never feelt sexual atraction so I'm sure it is hah]). 

Why I get nervous when I hear his vioce or see him (while when classmates said 'Richard is sick' I get tought like: "If it is romantic... Why i don't care. I care more about friends, huh?"). 

I see my family and friends as a special people... Not him. I like to imagine close relationship. But don't want do one, with him in real life. 

I'm so confused. (Sorry for long post and weird english). 

Edited September 23, 2020 by BlackBerry

[Vhenan]

First things first, let's just make it clear that you are the only person that gets to decide which labels to use for your feeling. That being said, I think you might have a squish. 

"A squish is a platonic crush, one where you like someone and want to be close to them, but not in a romantic way."

I'll describe my experiences with my current squish. Maybe you'll relate to it. Let's call her X .

X is my classmate in college. She's beautiful, incredibly smart, talented with art, and very vocal about her political beliefs. I admire her a lot and I really want to be her friend. I get nervous around her and I never know what to say so I just act super serious and nothing like my goofy self because I want her to think I'm cool too. Even though I like her a lot, I know I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with X. My attraction to her is mostly intellectual, aesthetic, and sensual (She look really hugable lol). I don't think about her all the time and there's definitely no jealousy. I just want to be friends.

That's most of my expirience with squishes. I suggest you look into other forms of attraction and find what fits best for what you feel.

Good luck!!!

 

 

 

[BlackBerry]

37 minutes ago, Vhenan said:

First things first, let's just make it clear that you are the only person that gets to decide which labels to use for your feeling. That being said, I think you might have a squish. 

"A squish is a platonic crush, one where you like someone and want to be close to them, but not in a romantic way."

I'll describe my experiences with my current squish. Maybe you'll relate to it. Let's call her X .

X is my classmate in college. She's beautiful, incredibly smart, talented with art, and very vocal about her political beliefs. I admire her a lot and I really want to be her friend. I get nervous around her and I never know what to say so I just act super serious and nothing like my goofy self because I want her to think I'm cool too. Even though I like her a lot, I know I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with X. My attraction to her is mostly intellectual, aesthetic, and sensual (She look really hugable lol). I don't think about her all the time and there's definitely no jealousy. I just want to be friends.

That's most of my expirience with squishes. I suggest you look into other forms of attraction and find what fits best for what you feel.

Good luck!!!

 

 

 

Oh, God... It sounds like my experiences! Thank you so much, now I'm more clear about what i feel towards him. 

[Alaska Native Manitou]

That's happened to me too.  I didn't know there was a name for it.  Come to think of it, my ordinary romantic friends have occasionally mentioned a similar experience.