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JoJonas

help on non-romantic relationship (part 2)

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hey, everyone, i don't know if any of you remember me but i made a post here a few months ago, i was asking for help on my ex bf. first of all, sorry for my english, its not my native language (im from Brazil) so, i posted here a couple of months ago because i was kinda weird about still feeling something for him and not being reciprocate, i guess i could handle because hes my best friend afterall, and we date for a few months until he realized hes aro. the problem is, on these last few months i only got worse about it. i have depression and it only got worse too, i lost more weight than i should, cant sleep, cant eat, and im almost moving to a new city, cant dó any of the things that i used to like because missing him is hurting so much. we're not even talking too much anymore, talking to him hurts but not talking to him hurts even more. i really don't know what to do. when he says that if i need to talk i could talk to him really hurts because i really want to, but i dont want things to be like "look what you did to me" because its not his fault for me being like this. ita only mine. i really dont know what to do. some of other friends say that its better for us to atop talking to each other for real, but i really dont want that, hes one of (if not the most) important person in the world to me. i really wish things to go back to be how they were back then when we were together, i was just so happy. what should i do? help :(

 

 

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This is a very difficult situation. I understand that he is a very important person to you, but staying in a friendship with someone you still have romantic feelings towards is not healthy, in my opinion. You want to keep him in your life but, at the same time, it hurts to be around him because you're always reliving those feelings of affection and rejection. You'll probably grow to resent him and your relationship will just go downhill from there. It's completely normal to be hurt by rejection and you need to give yourself time to get over your romantic feeling for him before continuing your friendship.
I went through a very similar situation, although I was the aromantic person in the relationship. My best friend fell in love with me and we dated for a while before I realized that I couldn't do it at all. We were very close so we decided to go back to being friends. It didn't work. He was hurt and upset and he couldn't help but hold out hope that I would fall for him if he stuck around for long enough. That, of course, didn't happen and he got more and more frustrated. He started to channel his sadness and anger onto me. He became outright abusive and our relationship ended very, very badly. 
Of course, I'm not saying that you're going to become abusive or hurt your friend. I just want to show how being in this type of situation can eat away at your soul. I hope, for your sake, that you can find the courage necessary to give yourself some much needed alone (and even lonely) time. You need that to heal, and then you might be able to be friends with him again. For now, do what's best for your mental health.

(btw, I'm also brazilian. If you didn't understant something, just ask me. I could translate it for you.)

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