Guest Somebody(names are hard) Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 I am a cis female, and I've been thinking a lot about whether I am arospec/acespec since i heard the term aromantic and did some research. The thing is, I'm not sure whether my seeming lack of romantic attraction is genuine. Some things that cause this are: At 7 years old, I thought that it seemed like relationships were the cause of all problems, so I swore that I would never have one. Since then I have never felt any feelings that seem even slightly like romantic attraction. It has been a significant period of time since then. I have had what I thought were crushes, but turned out to be a desire to be friends with people. I am an avid reader, and especially like YA, but alway feel frustrated, bored, or disgusted by (the inevitable) romance. I also find myself skimming over "romantic" scenes, or kissing/suggestive scenes. I have read/watched very few romances that didnt feel forced to me. Until I came across the term aromantic, I assumed that romantic and sexual attraction always went hand in hand, and having never experienced sexual attraction, I assumed I was straight and it would come in time. When I came across the term asexual, it took me a while(2 years), but when I began to consider it for me, I was upset because I do want a relationship, but (now, after reading about them), queerplatonic seems to fit the categories. I never feel like I am, or notice when other people are flirting. I feel uncomfortable when people are interested in me romantically. I have wondered if my feelings toward people are romantic or platonic (these sound a lot like squishes now but since I no longer actively feel those feelings, I am unsure). I have rejected attempts at physical and emotional closeness if it began to resemble what I saw as romantic. Sorry for the long list, but I really appreciate any help. I am not looking for people to say definitively one way or another, but if anyone has had similar experiences, that would be helpful. Thank you so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emerald Cheetah Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 Hello! I have to say that a lot of the things you said are very relatable to those on the aro spectrum. In high school/junior high I also made this conscious decision for myself that I wouldn't date for several reasons such as "I need to focus on school", "my school is small therefore there's no point in dating from such a small pool of options", and "high school sweethearts are statistically uncommon so what's the point?" etc. Sometimes I viewed love from a rather logical point of view which should've been a sign for me You appear to also be experiencing romance repulsion to a degree which is quite common in the aromantic community. Personally, I go crazy for gay romance, but if it's straight I will scrutinize it with all kinds of made up criteria in my head. I used to love Teen Fantasy and Adventure books, but the last time I wandered through that section searching for a book I found the word "romance/romantic" in the description of almost every book I picked up and it bothered me a lot. Then the one I bought had a romance that was ehhhhhh to me (with a sex scene that was even more ehhhhhh to me). Now I don't go through that section because I feel like it has betrayed me. Just give me beautiful platonic friendships in a novel plzz ? I haven't been asked out very often, so I don't have much experience to draw on concerning some of your points. However there was one time when I was asked out and it made me so uncomfortable. I said yes because I felt pressured to, but then the stress of a relationship made me break it off a few hours later. I literally couldn't stand the idea of being romantic with someone and the way he was acting towards me felt so wrong. I knew I couldn't reciprocate. I hope I was helpful in sharing my similar experiences with you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.