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Aroacerabbit

How do I know?

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I am a female, who recently began to identify as aro/ace. One thing that I am still struggling with is whether I want to get married and possibly have kids because of what society deems as normal, or if I actually want it, even if I don’t feel the romantic or sexual attraction. How would I know?

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I think it's hard for someone else to tell you what you want, and how you would know, but what I can say is that your wants and needs can change over time, and that's okay! And it's also perfectly okay to not know. Remember, if you want to get married you have your whole life for that, so there's no rush, and if it never happens then you can live a perfectly happy and content life without it. For kids, there might be a timeline to have them the traditional way, but there's always adoption, so again, you have plenty of time to decide whether or not you want to be a parent. 

You know yourself better than anyone else. Be patient, take things a day at a time, and you'll figure out what you want eventually! 

 

(Although, for me, I imagined the thought of having to rearrange my life and my home to compromise for a spouse/children and honestly the thought of that was repulsive. I'm the only human who needs to live in my home, other people can visit but also I need to be allowed to kick them out when I've had enough of them)
(that being said weddings look fun because I like attention and grand entrances, but the married life puts me off) 

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On 8/23/2020 at 6:35 PM, Giu said:

(Although, for me, I imagined the thought of having to rearrange my life and my home to compromise for a spouse/children and honestly the thought of that was repulsive. I'm the only human who needs to live in my home, other people can visit but also I need to be allowed to kick them out when I've had enough of them)
(that being said weddings look fun because I like attention and grand entrances, but the married life puts me off) 

Thank you! This helped a lot!

(And I agree. I’ve always imagined my wedding, from planning it and my dress, food etc, but I’ve never been able to picture someone at the altar. It’s always been a blur or just nothing. Lol. Looking back, it might have been a hint!)

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Like what was said above only you can know what you truly want and there's nothing rushing you to know what that is right now. Sometimes things like this take time and reflection to understand what you want in the end and that's okay!

Personally, I do want a life partner at some point (but with certain boundaries, I do still need my alone time lol) but not everyone does and that's just as valid! It's your life and you should live it however makes you the most comfortable. 

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