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I think I’m Aro, but I’m not 100% sure


aroscorpio
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Hello all! So, recently I’ve begun to think a lot about my romantic orientation. So, I’m like 99% sure I’m Aromantic. I’ve never wanted a relationship, and things like kissing hold no appeal for me. I’m questioning my feelings, though. I’m almost certain I’m Aromantic, I just want to confirm. I know I’m the only one who can do that for me, but I was hoping maybe you guys would be able to help me sort through some questions. So, I’ve only ever had what I may call a “crush” on a real person (my “crushes” which I think are more squishes, are usually on fictional characters) once or twice, and that was years ago. Even then, I didn’t have any desire to do anything like hand-holding, kissing, or cuddling, or even... dating - with them. But I still got that giddiness and nervousness when I saw them. Also, most of the time when I’m fully awake, the idea of cuddling does nothing for me (and as I’m writing this, I don’t entertain the idea of cuddling at all) but every now and then, randomly in the middle of the night, I’ll think about cuddling or snuggling with someone, and I’ll think “that may be nice.” But other than the things I’ve listed - which are more past events and occurrences than feelings or beliefs that I hold - anything that may remotely be considered “romantic” is completely absent. Also I despise the idea of getting married. I’ve read all kinds of threads and stuff on it, but I’ve never come to a 100% certain conclusion, and I wanted to ask people who would know a lot about it. Like I said, I’m almost certain I’m Aromantic, and I very much like the idea of being Aromantic, I was just wondering if those kinds of things have ever happened to Aromantic people. Thank you!

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I first discovered the term aromantic in 2015. At the time it was something that resonated with me, but it still took me a year or two to get rid of all my doubts. For example, I personally found myself experimenting with other arospec labels, but I always went back to aromantic. (To be completely clear, I don't mean to imply that other arospec labels are just aromantic in disguise or something similarly gross. They are completely valid identities on their own and should be treated as such; I'm just detailing my own experiences.) It can take a long time to work out your feelings, but there's no rush to the finish line.

When it comes to cuddling, I'm actually quite the fan. I have to know the person super well though, so it's really only my super close friends who I will cuddle with. As for other romance - have you ever been in a store and see a shirt and think "that would look good on someone else"? Then your friend tries it on and they look BOMB? That's like me with romance. I LOVE it on others, just not on me. I will read some fluff-filled romantic fanfic any day and enjoy it shamelessly. Hell, I've written some of my own.

My advice (if you would like it) would be not to try not to worry too much about the semantics of what you do and do not experience. There is no one right way to be aromantic. People feel different ways about different things. Admittance requirements and best practices tend to be how exclusionist ideas are born, but from what I've experienced, arospec communities have pretty widely decided we're not about that.

You're allowed to exist in this world however you want or need!

Welcome to Arocalypse!! :) 

Edited by emmafriendly
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2 hours ago, emmafriendly said:

I first discovered the term aromantic in 2015. At the time it was something that resonated with me, but it still took me a year or two to get rid of all my doubts. For example, I personally found myself experimenting with other arospec labels, but I always went back to aromantic. (To be completely clear, I don't mean to imply that other arospec labels are just aromantic in disguise or something similarly gross. They are completely valid identities on their own and should be treated as such; I'm just detailing my own experiences.) It can take a long time to work out your feelings, but there's no rush to the finish line.

When it comes to cuddling, I'm actually quite the fan. I have to know the person super well though, so it's really only my super close friends who I will cuddle with. As for other romance - have you ever been in a store and see a shirt and think "that would look good on someone else"? Then your friend tries it on and they look BOMB? That's like me with romance. I LOVE it on others, just not on me. I will read some fluff-filled romantic fanfic any day and enjoy it shamelessly. Hell, I've written some of my own.

My advice (if you would like it) would be not to try not to worry too much about the semantics of what you do and do not experience. There is no one right way to be aromantic. People feel different ways about different things. Admittance requirements and best practices tend to be how exclusionist ideas are born, but from what I've experienced, arospec communities have pretty widely decided we're not about that.

You're allowed to exist in this world however you want or need!

Welcome to Arocalypse!! :) 

Wow! Thank you so much for your immense hospitality. ? And I’ve thought about trying other aro-spec labels like you said, but I do feel like I’d come back to “Aromantic.” like you did. Also it’s good to hear about someone who’s had similar experiences, it makes me feel good to know. Thank you, once again for all of your help! ???

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