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Being Gendered Feels Wrong Even If They Are Right



I'm not sure if this question is going to make sense or not. I just wish that strangers could leave me be and not assign me a gender at all NOR assign me as genderless. Like why do people have to bring gender identity up even at times when it is not relevant? If I am at the store for instance, just treat me as a human, it doesn't matter what gender identity/expression I have, right?

Obviously people are allowed to want to be identified as whatever they want. I'm just wondering if others also find it bothersome to be identified by strangers *I am NOT referring to being misgendered but rather being gendered correctly by a total stranger*

Referring primarily to strangers (not friends or family) assigning you a gender/ using gendered terms like sir, ma'am, they, he, she, etc [in real life, not necessarily online] can include people using any term which seems to/implies a gender or lack thereof, does that bother you?

{In particular, any people who feel this way and think/know it impacts their gender identity? (I'm questioning my gender and am wondering if I may or may not be cis.)}

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I totally relate to that feeling of being confused by the mandatory (a)gendering system.

I was assigned as a male, so I socialized as a boy. But as an ace, aro and aplatonic, I never totally fitted into the "manliness" mold (pack mentality, ostentatious displays of power and all those things...). I have no gender euphoria or dysphoria and I don't really "feel" what it is the gender behaviour I'm supposed to perform, so I often consider myself as agender. But at the same time I know that I am educated, behave and look most of the time as a man and don't care at all how people gender me, so I do not feel the need to change my gender expression. Therefore I think  (cis) demiboy is the best label for me (and arogender too, I guess).

Usually I don't care at all which pronoun people use for me. That said, I feel very upset (for no strong rational reason), which is unusual for me as I am quite a chill person, when someone changes the gendered language they use to refer me when my gender expression changes. It just don't feel right. If I wear lipstick and a convoluted hairstyle for fun during a party that doesn't mean that I am an other person and I don't want others to make me feel it is the case (but why does it feel such a big deal to me, idk ¬¬).

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Thanks for your reply. Sorry I took so long to get back


Ok, I know this may be old news at this point and no one asked me, but it turns out part of the reason anyway that I didn't want strangers to gender me is because I am not cis like I thought. I am a genderqueer demigirl.

I believe the other main reason I would prefer people to not gender me I'm public would be because I live in a not-queer friendly area and so don't want to deal with hate.

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