Raphael Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 This is really just a place to vent about my gender angst for a minute; others may join in or respond if desired, but I'm mostly just screaming into the void tbh. (Also warning ahead for fairly negative feelings about men/masc people as a general category of human.) My gender has a lot of fluidity, and it's frustrating as hell, because my desired presentation ALSO is fairly fluid, but the two don't always align, so sometimes I'm like "I'm not a girl and that's why I want to wear a flannel and look GAY," but other times I'm like, "I'm not a girl, and that's why I want to wear a princess dress and look GAY." (But also those about actually being a girl because I am sometimes.) And lately I've been feeling fairly masculine which is new and frankly really uncomfortable for me (I've been afraid of men and masc-presenting people literally since before I could walk), because I'm basically always femme or andro no matter what else is going on, so now I'm wondering if I'm sometimes a guy? Or like guy-adjacent? Demiboy? I don't fucking know. The whole thing sounds kind of repellent to me, but here we are with masculinity and no idea what to do with it. And the social dysphoria is both a lot and... Kind of my own damn fault? Because I'm like "I'm feeling masc-ish today, so that's why I want to wear a skirt and eyeshadow and earrings—but it's *matte* eyeshadow, so that'll make me look masc!!," which uh. Surprisingly doesn't work for someone who is very small, curvy, long-haired, and conventionally pretty. And my best friend is a binary trans woman and she just. She tries but *does not* get it, and all the enbies I know IRL aren't super fluid, are andro-butch presenting, and are just. Not people I feel like would be sympathetic?? And I also can't bind because I live with my parents and I'm not out to them. So. Extra yay. --Raphael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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