Jump to content

Thebirchtree


Abirchtree
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hello! This might be somewhat of a controversial  topic but before I go into it, I want ro make it clear I do not think aromanticisim is a mental illness in any way. I don’t think any sexuality is. And in my case, I don’t even think I can talk about an identity but more like an experience.

I’m 17 and identified as bisexual since I was about 13. I was a really horny early teen but at the same time I never really has crushes, fictional or real. I based my lavel on the fact that I didn’t have a fixed interest in boys (I’m a girl), so that for me meant a kind of “I don’t care about them specifically, therefore I can do anybody”. A few years have passed and two thingshave happened: I became depressed and I got a boyfriend. We’ve been together for 5 months now but the whole time I haven’t been really invested in the relationship. I do care about him deeply, we were best friends before we got together but he’s definitely more passionate about the “being together” than I am. We do kiss and cuddle and gold hands but I don’t vare for it much and mostly do it bc he wants to and sometimes I even get a bit uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and he is super supportive and understanding but I still feel bad for not meeting his expectations. I also don’t want to do anything sexual with him, I physically freeze when he asks me to touch him but am still ok when he does it to me because again, I want him to get something out of hanging out with me. And I’m also not interested in anybody else, only in making and having good friends because I feel happiest being around a bunch of good people and not someone in particular. But I know I used to want a relationship and desire romantic and sexual contact when I was younger. So does anybody else have similar experiences of their sexuality and romanticism changing along with their mental health and can I even tie it to my identity?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/15/2019 at 8:14 PM, Abirchtree said:

Hello! This might be somewhat of a controversial  topic but before I go into it, I want ro make it clear I do not think aromanticisim is a mental illness in any way. I don’t think any sexuality is. And in my case, I don’t even think I can talk about an identity but more like an experience.

I’m 17 and identified as bisexual since I was about 13. I was a really horny early teen but at the same time I never really has crushes, fictional or real. I based my lavel on the fact that I didn’t have a fixed interest in boys (I’m a girl), so that for me meant a kind of “I don’t care about them specifically, therefore I can do anybody”. A few years have passed and two thingshave happened: I became depressed and I got a boyfriend. We’ve been together for 5 months now but the whole time I haven’t been really invested in the relationship. I do care about him deeply, we were best friends before we got together but he’s definitely more passionate about the “being together” than I am. We do kiss and cuddle and gold hands but I don’t vare for it much and mostly do it bc he wants to and sometimes I even get a bit uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and he is super supportive and understanding but I still feel bad for not meeting his expectations. I also don’t want to do anything sexual with him, I physically freeze when he asks me to touch him but am still ok when he does it to me because again, I want him to get something out of hanging out with me. And I’m also not interested in anybody else, only in making and having good friends because I feel happiest being around a bunch of good people and not someone in particular. But I know I used to want a relationship and desire romantic and sexual contact when I was younger. So does anybody else have similar experiences of their sexuality and romanticism changing along with their mental health and can I even tie it to my identity?

Hmm interesting.You mentioned that you never really had crushes but then later talk about the fact that you used to want a relationship.Not sure if you want to elaborate on that? I'm not very fond of telling people how they should identify ,  theorizing why they identify a certain way etc. Having said that,you might want to ask yourself whether you knew about aromanticism or asexuality when you started identifying as bisexual.Many people simply spend years not knowing that identifying as asexual or aromantic is an option.Furthermore,you might want to ask yourself if societal pressure to be in a romantic/sexual relationship might be influencing your emotions in any way and what impact it had in  the past.As for being depressed,it doesn't invalidate your identity whatsoever.You know yourself best :) Sometimes it helps to be brutally honest with yourself about your feelings,without judging yourself or being concerned with what others might think.Easier said than done of course.

 

As for having a similar experience- yes and no.I spent quite a number of years not knowing that being aromantic/arospec or asexual was an option.Societal pressure also made me try to convince myself that I was interested in romance and sex when I really wasn't. I'm not sure if you find any of that information helpful though.The only advice I can give you is to be as honest with yourself as possible while remembering to be kind to yourself as well. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...