Abirchtree

Hello! This might be somewhat of a controversial topic but before I go into it, I want ro make it clear I do not think aromanticisim is a mental illness in any way. I don’t think any sexuality is. And in my case, I don’t even think I can talk about an identity but more like an experience. I’m 17 and identified as bisexual since I was about 13. I was a really horny early teen but at the same time I never really has crushes, fictional or real. I based my lavel on the fact that I didn’t have a fixed interest in boys (I’m a girl), so that for me meant a kind of “I don’t care about them specifically, therefore I can do anybody”. A few years have passed and two thingshave happened: I became depressed and I got a boyfriend. We’ve been together for 5 months now but the whole time I haven’t been really invested in the relationship. I do care about him deeply, we were best friends before we got together but he’s definitely more passionate about the “being together” than I am. We do kiss and cuddle and gold hands but I don’t vare for it much and mostly do it bc he wants to and sometimes I even get a bit uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and he is super supportive and understanding but I still feel bad for not meeting his expectations. I also don’t want to do anything sexual with him, I physically freeze when he asks me to touch him but am still ok when he does it to me because again, I want him to get something out of hanging out with me. And I’m also not interested in anybody else, only in making and having good friends because I feel happiest being around a bunch of good people and not someone in particular. But I know I used to want a relationship and desire romantic and sexual contact when I was younger. So does anybody else have similar experiences of their sexuality and romanticism changing along with their mental health and can I even tie it to my identity?