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What Type of Relationship??


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So...I am (possibly) Aromantic.

 

Sounds easy enough to understand, right?

 

Well, I'm also a lesbo (code: I'm a homosexual). This makes things harder.

 

I don't "crush" the way others do. I just want sensual, emotional and sexual closeness to a girl. The romantic part I can live without, I don't get anything out of it and, in some cases, it can make me feel a bit uncomfortable. Being touched is something that I am very particular about (btw I am autistic). 

 

So I don't feel that I can be in a normal relationship because every relationship is romantic in some way (like a dating relationship), even Aces are ok in this realm. However, I feel like I would just let the other girl down.

 

On the other side of the coin, whilst they sound great in theory, I cannot do QPRs because 1. not many people will know about them and 2. remember the sexual part? Yeeah that's a problem. On top of that, my alterous attraction is very sparse, it's only happened twice.

 

What I want:

 

- affection (give affection) but with limitations like I don't like the idea of holding hands.

- sex 

- eventually someone to have kids with 

- someone I can trust

 

That's it. Hopefully someone in this world, other than me, also feels this way but idk. 

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On 6/14/2019 at 5:08 PM, TripleA said:

So I don't feel that I can be in a normal relationship because every relationship is romantic in some way (like a dating relationship),

 

It sounds like you may have made that ruling preemptively. "Every relationship is romantic in some way"? That's far from true. I understand that you may be fearing some friction in looking for what you want, and that apprehension may be warranted -- but relationships are whatever you make them to be.

 

On 6/14/2019 at 5:08 PM, TripleA said:

even Aces are ok in this realm.

 

what?

 

On 6/14/2019 at 5:08 PM, TripleA said:

On the other side of the coin, whilst they sound great in theory, I cannot do QPRs because 1. not many people will know about them and 2. remember the sexual part? Yeeah that's a problem.

 

Only a problem if you feel it's a problem.

 

On 6/14/2019 at 5:08 PM, TripleA said:

What I want:

 

- affection (give affection) but with limitations like I don't like the idea of holding hands.

- sex 

- eventually someone to have kids with 

- someone I can trust

 

That's it. Hopefully someone in this world, other than me, also feels this way but idk. 

 

I think you'd be surprised. I don't mean to downplay your personal struggles, but this all sounds fairly within reach so far -- as much as sexual partnerships can be described as such. It is fairly standard for some people to take a long time (i.e. years) to find a partner they're compatible with, after all. But this really doesn't sound as niche or outlandish as you're making it out to be. Just focus on the parts that you *are* looking for, while also making sure to communicate your specific personal boundaries, like hand holding, whatever other things feel too romantic for your tastes, etc.

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13 hours ago, Coyote said:

 

 

what?

 

 

I'm referring to Asexual Alloromantics, as they have more luck in being in a normal relationship without sex. It's more likely.

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6 hours ago, TripleA said:

I'm referring to Asexual Alloromantics,

 

Well then using "aces" to mean that one segment of them, specifically, is certainly at least a little disrespectful to the ones who aren't.

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