I'm a newbie here

[DogObsessedLi]

Hi. I've only just found this site. I'm already on AVEN and have known about my asexuality for nearly a year now, basically since I first heard about asexuality and it all suddenly made sense! My aromantic orientation wasn't so straight forward though. Prior to finding out about asexuality I thought I was a "rubbish bisexual", then I thought I was a "rubbish biromantic" - like I "liked both men and women the same" in a sort of awkward sort of way. I was always ok in relationships while things where at the "best friend" stage, but as soon as things became more intense I generally found myself either "like a straight woman being romantic with a woman" or "like a straight man being romantic with a man". I just thought I was disfunctional. I've never been a "happy single" as I've always felt like "the extra one" while others concentrated on their more important romantic relationships and I was always the single extra, like they had grown into more important relationships when I still wanted to bond in a friendship bracelet sort of way! So I've found this to be the hardest thing and wish people would value friendships as they did before they moved onto ronance! I just always wanted that "best friend" of any gender that I could share my life with but it always came with stuff I just couldn't understand. I'd happily marry a best friend someday, but just as two committed best friends before God and law (yes, I'm also a christian but if you're not just read "before law"!) I have recently agreed to get into a QPR with a friend who is homoromantic with the clear statement of what could be expected from me. I still love people, but in a "brother/sister from another mother" or best friend sort of way as I did back at school, and I've slowly realised that all my previous relationships were based on these type of affections, and all the celebrities that I admired were exactly that, usually sports people who were cool and admirable players (or a couple of cool guitarists). So realising all this has sort of been an a ha moment where suddenly it all makes sense!

I know there's a lot here but does any of this make sense? Tbh I'm not big on forums, I get a bit muddled on them if I'm honest, but I'm glad you're here.

[NotHeartless]

Makes sense to me since my realization of my romantic orientation went down in a similar way. I know the distinct feeling of being everything but romantic as soon as things get past the "friendship stage". I can also relate to the way you love people and it's great you got into a QPR, congrats! Wish you guys all the best.
And now: welcome to the aro side of things

[aro_elise]

5 hours ago, LizBri said:

"like a straight woman being romantic with a woman"

i like that; i'm heterosexual but i'd feel equally uncomfortable being romantic with any gender.  and it may be a good way for allos to conceptualize it.

 

i'm also a big fan of close friendship, but wouldn't marry anyone.  and what i thought were crushes (on guys) in the past were actually squishes (sometimes with sexual attraction).  the funny thing is, i get squishes on girls too but i never mistook them for crushes; i just thought they were cool/i wanted to be their friend, and i was right.  i just didn't make the connection in terms of my attraction to guys.

 

anyway, welcome!

[DogObsessedLi]

I suppose marriage or civil partnerships depend on each personal circumstance. I see them both as in the sight of the law but I'm aware that laws change all the time and can vary from country to country and between cultures. I personally would like to see my committed partnership as equal in the law's eyes, but I see that it might be different with poly arrangements as well as the need probably being different. So many different factors at play! I used to not understand poly arrangements because even at school I usually only had one primary best friend, but I recently read something about how a poly arrangement when bringing up kids can actually be beneficial to the kids who benefit from multiple adults to look to and less strain on funding than only two parents (who then can't spend time with kids due to working). It was interesting. 

I usually use the straight man/woman concept to try to explain to allos, but it's still amazing how many don't get it!