Freyja Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 I’ve never been on a web forum before but I’m tired of feeling so isolated, invalidated, and confused. I’m a bit ignorant on the topic so I don’t know how to properly define myself. I have no problem loving someone but it’s hard for me to be in love and stay in love. I have a boyfriend and I’ve wanted one for so long. I grew up reading romances but anyone who came along gave me anxiety and caused a “flight” response in me. I didn’t feel satisfaction from attraction being directed towards me. I thought it was a commitment issue at first but even when I was mentally and physically attracted to someone, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t feel in love with them. Even now, I love my boyfriend but I don’t think I feel consistently in love. I’m not even sure what being in love means or feels like. I feel like I could walk away from this relationship with a tear or two over a lost friendship but other days I feel like I need him... but maybe I’m not in love with him. Maybe I just like how he makes me feel and I don’t want to be lonely anymore? I don’t know. Maybe one day I can fall in love and stay that way and know for sure what it feels like. It takes a lot for me to have romantic feelings. It rarely happens and I need an emotional connection first but even then, I can’t feel all aspects of romance. I can have sex without feelings but someone has to be my friend for years before I can even begin to feel romantic attraction. But I want to feel it. I’ve cried so many times for not being able to feel it for good people. I’m a hopeless romantic for heaven’s sake! Okay sorry for rambling. I just feel so lost, and that I’m the most unnecessarily complex and burdensome person. Glad this is anonymous lol
Neir Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 Welcome. Much of what you have said gives me strong aro-spec vibes and I think you'll be able to find a few answers as you look around these forums and chat with others. I know many who share similar feelings who would love to connect with you, and I'm glad you're here with us!
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