Sex and reading between the lines

[Queen of Spades]

Contrary to all those myths about our kind (and even to how some alloromantics see things, for that matter), sex to me has always been more than just fulfilling a biological need (otherwise we might all just play with ourselves and that's it). I've always been of the opinion sex is about making each other feel good and respecting each other whether there's any emotional bond or not. Not long ago I realised that a sexual relationship between two people can actually be helpful in learning some important things about each other. How come? Well, one guy I slept with treated me with respect every single time. He never forced me to anything. He was always very considerate of me (asking me whether I was in a comfortable position; when we tried something new, he said "if it feels unpleasant, just let me know, alright?"). He genuinely cared that I feel good and have a great time. Now, all these say quite a bit about him, don't you think? But if there's no consideration between the people involved, well, I'll let you guys draw the conclusion. 

[DeltaAro]

18 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

sex to me has always been more than just fulfilling a biological need (otherwise we might all just play with ourselves and that's it).

The body functions without sex, so in this sense it's not a biological need.

If somebody is locked in solitary confinement and gets fed with water and porridge (fortified with all essential nutrients) his body is still able to maintain homeostasis. But we don't want to talk about the “quality of life” in such a state…

 

It seems that for some allosexuals the lack of sex just by itself can have a serious detrimental impact on their quality of life. Or put differently, with prolonged celibacy, they experience severe sexual frustration, which masturbation cannot defuse, and then sex is more than just “something nice I want, but don't get”.

 

On the other hand, for some allosexuals sex is just a normal “want” – it doesn't make you a-spec just because you're more relaxed about it. But for them it's (at least partly) still a “want” for it's own sake, not a “means to an end” like you present it.

Personally, I don't experience any sorts of severe sexual frustration that impacts my psychological well-being, but it just feels way better, way more fulfilling to have sex with a real person than to masturbate (obvious is obvious). And to be honest, it would still feel that way if my sex partner later complained that it kinda sucked. Yeah, selfish, selfish.

 

Theoretically it could be the other way around, though this is not a common pop culture trope about heterosexual sex. Like after a long cunnilingus session I abruptly get kicked out of the room. Well, kind of selfish and very impolite behavior, but in the end just a sad day for me!

 

Of course I try to be as nice and respectful as I can, but that's just basic decency (also I want to be treated respectfully. Indeed, this would be a total deal-breaker, no matter how hot a woman is). But it's not the goal of the whole endeavour. I rather do something nice with a friend if the goal is “make each other feel good”.

 

Yeah, that's it, it probably boils down to allosexuality vs gray-sexuality.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

16 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

I've always been of the opinion sex is about making each other feel good and respecting each other whether there's any emotional bond or not. Not long ago I realised that a sexual relationship between two people can actually be helpful in learning some important things about each other.

Preach!

 

16 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

Contrary to all those myths about our kind

'Our kind' <-- We are now mythical creatures. Love it 

[DeltaAro]

4 hours ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

'Our kind' <-- We are now mythical creatures. Love it 

yeah, that's always sooo funny!! Or like some mythical tribe in a fantasy world.

 

Typical situation:

“I am in love with one of your kind…”

“Oh, I have bad news for you, brother!”