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Hello <3


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I started identifying as an aroace just yesterday. I wasn't really sure at first because  I suppose I'm kind of odd and there are some things that weren't really true for me (like I've had ''crushes'' in the past, and they weren't really squishes because I wasn't all that interested in becoming friends with them, but if I thought about doing couple-y things with them I got grossed out - I suppose I'm not at all that sure what they even were lol), also had (still have) the whole ''haven't met the right person yet'' and ''just inexperienced'' yada yada with myself, but I guess if I feel romantic or sexual attraction towards anyone later I can still change it then. And it just makes so much sense to me, even though I would never have considered it before, but I suppose it finally 'clicked'. :) I've been reading the forum for like two days straight and it's so comforting to know that there are actually a lot of people who feel the same way and it just kind of warms my heart to read about everyone's experiences and being able to relate. <3

I suppose I'm still young in my experiences, but somehow this feels a more definite label than when I was fluctuating between straight and bisexual. I'm super close with my best friend and as soon as I started considering that I might be aroace, we were talking about it -- she's super helpful and loving about it and I love her so much for it -- and another friend who I really trust, though we don't talk consistently. I don't really feel like I necessarily need to come out to people otherwise? It doesn't feel like such a big deal to me that I'm not into all that kind of stuff, and I've been single for most of my life anyway. I did mention it to my dad this morning, and while I didn't expect him to understand what it was immediately, it was still sort of painful when he was like ''hah! you just haven't met a hottie yet''... I don't really know how to deal with it, if I want to talk to him about it and have him understand or if it would be better to just not say anything and have him realize I was serious himself when I stay single (though I can't even try to predict the future)... Anyways, I'm kinda hesitant to tell my mom about it now. I feel like I share a lot with them and it feels like I'm carrying around this massive secret now, but I'd rather not get that same kind of response again (but I have a feeling I need to get used to it, according to everyone's experiences here). 

This got a little long haha, idk... Hello, I suppose? :) I really want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences on this forum; it's really helped me figuring it out and I'm certain it will for a lot of other people, too. <3

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  • 4 weeks later...

 Don't worry about your label, because you'll probably know real fast if it stops applying. Theoretically, any of us would drop the label if we feel compelled enough to act alloromantic. I don't talk about this much with outsiders because I don't want to encourage them to "hope" for me, but there is a slight chance that a given aro is actually demiromantic or aroflux, and just hasn't felt it yet. Brains are annoying like that.


The key is in knowing that you have not felt attraction the same way that others have. If you were confident enough to declare it to your friends and family, then I have no doubt you belong here. You'll become confident about your orientation -whatever it may be- in your own time. Probably don't mention any uncertainty to your mom though. She might use it as an excuse not to believe you.

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