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Help I'm Questioning?

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I've been questioning my romantic identity for a while now, so I'm just going to get into it.


BTW I identify as a pansexual female so this has nothing to do with gender.


I only feel like I can be in a relationship with people I am physically attracted to. Even if it feels like our minds and personalities are soul mates, I just see them as friends, and I can't bring myself to enter a relationship with them, and if I do I feel trapped.


Also, I tend to attract guys who are very interested in romantic relationships, and I can't help but friendzone all of them because I'm just not attracted to them, even if they have amazing personalities. If I do develope crushes (which is not often) once they like me back, I lose interest, unless (I repeat) I am physically attracted to them.


When I imagine myself in future relationships I don't imagine cute romantic gestures I imagine the sexual ones. Even if the scene in my head begins with a romantic gesture it always moves on to more sexual antics. 


I do have celebrity crushes and I do enjoy romance in movies and books and I do want a relationship like but I just can't seem to experience those feelings of deep romantic attachment.


I don't know if I worded this well but I hope that I can get some insight? I've just been really confused and I'm getting desperate. I'm tired of having to beat back boys who want a relationship rather than just a fling.

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Being an aromantic sexual is tough. If you're an aromantic asexual, then at worst you can just not get involved with anyone. If you're aromantic sexual, then you have sexual needs to meet, and those might require other people. But if you're pansexual then you're not restricted to one sex or gender of aromantic sexuals to have flings with, so I guess that makes things a bit better. :)


You don't say whether you're monogamous. If you're not, a rotation of fuckbuddies would probably work. If you are, then finding another aromantic sexual is probably what you need, although there's no guarantee you'll be sexually attracted to any specific aromantic sexual.


Best of success to you. Welcome to Arocalypse and enjoy your time here. :icecream:

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The bad news is I don't have any insight, but the good news is I feel a lot of the same way and it sounds like we are in similar 'questioning' stages so you can at least rest assured you aren't alone!


I too only find people attractive very occasionally and class myself as grey-asexual because of it. It's frustrating to me because it should be so easy for people in my situation to do the FWB thing and live the best of th worlds, but nope, my brain gotta be ultra-picky like that.

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  • 2 weeks later...

From this, my best guess is that you are either aromantic and confusing sexual attraction, sensual attraction, and romantic attraction (unlikely) or somewhere on the aro spectrum such as grey aromantic/greyromantic or lithromantic/akoiromantic or something similar. My advice is to just keep doing research and reading others experiences and seeing how they compare. It takes a while to figure yourself out

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