Right. Hello, I just joined arocalypse!! It’s really nice to be here :)
- The first part is basically background about my current relationship, you can get the jist of it if you skip to the next paragraph break. The focus isn’t my relationship, but it’s a really crucial part of this.
So, I’ve been in a relationship with my Girlfriend for about 10 (almost 11) months. It’s really great relationship in my eyes, we both enjoy spending time together, we have similar interests and generally we’re good at communicating problems. Though recently she’s been saying that we‘ve not been spending enough time together and asking to go round my house quite literally every time I see her. Quite a few times I’ve said, ‘No’ because I’m generally someone who wants private time and I often feel uncomfortable with someone invading a space that’s just mine (probably weird), but she always says, ‘why not?’ and things like, ‘other people actually spend time with their partners’ ‘You’re going to leave me aren’t you. You just think I’m so stupid.’ I always feel terrible but sometimes I just don’t want to be around people.
Anyway, over the course of our relationship, there has been a few hiccups, namely the physical contact. She knows that I’m asexual, and she respects that I don’t want to ever has s*x (it just makes me super uncomfortable) but she doesn’t understand that I don’t really feel an awful lot of romantic attraction, to anyone I’ve dated. I’ll always think about it, and imagine various romantic situations and it makes me really happy. It’s just when it actually happens that I feel incredibly awkward and it just doesn’t feel right. I always blush really red and she’ll make comments like, ‘ha, you blush easily’ but it’s more of a, ‘this is so weird I don’t know how to get out of this situation’ kind of flush.
I’ve spoken to her about this, and she replied with, ‘Oh, right, so we’re basically just going to be friends then?’ And I explained that, no, I feel differently about her than I do with friends, I would just prefer not to do overly romantic stuff (if that makes sense??). She nodded and later when we got back to my house, she immediately tried to engage in overly romantic stuff, and hinting on stuff that was bordering the line of sexual. I felt like I was going to throw up. It was like she just ignored everything I just said.
I later dropped her off at her house and she said she wants to come round again, I only smiled back, still currently trying not to think about what had happened that day. That was about a week ago and I feel terrible that I still haven’t texted her.
I’ve been thinking that perhaps I’m Aegromantic, because while I enjoy planning and thinking about romantic activities, I don’t really feel comfortable actually going through with them. It’s been like this is all of my past relationships, so it’s not just that I ‘haven’t found the right person yet’ (I’ve been told that many times, and it’s infuriating). Do you think I’m right, and can I be aegromantic and panromantic?
Thank you for any info and sorry for the rant, I probably sound like a horrible person ;_;