Queen of Spades

"Do not befriend X" (he's a guy who pretended to be my friend, but all along, he secretly wanted to bang me, to use me like i'm a piece of meat and nothing more, that b*stard) 

For anyone familiar with the ACOTAR book series by Sarah J. Maas - I very much like the relationship between Feyre and Rhysand. It's healthy, and if we were to take romance out, it is true love that remains. The only difference between me and these 2 characters is that I'm not overwhelmed by my feelings when I love someone - my knees don't run weak and my heart beats normally :p. 

Romance is attraction. It can happen anywhere, anytime, with anyone. It is spontaneous, random, out of control. It is all about euphoria, adrenaline rush. It is shallow. It ends just under the same circumstances as it can start. Out of the blue.

Love is a bond. Born out of friendship. It doesn't "happen", it grows. Over time. It comes out of knowing the person well. Out of knowing that the person deserves it. It never ends. If you truly love someone, you won't feel differently one day on some supid chemical whim because true love has nothing to do with chemicals. 

Long-lasting relationships are mostly true love with some romance added. A small percentage of them are just love with no romance, these are the aromantic ones. 

Romance alone, however, is nothing. 

"My kind of love is a wall that is build over time for a clear reason, not a flame that starts blazing suddenly and out of the blue." 

So I went to the cinema with a friend of mine. During the film, the (female) main character said something along the lines: "So I kissed him...we shared the same space...the same breath..."

Me: and the same spit =))) 

To me, sex is first and foremost about making each other feel good and treating each other with respect whether there is any emotional bond between the parties involved or not. However, the stronger the bond, the more beautiful the intimate moments. If I have a very strong bond with the boy, then sex is no longer only hot and steamy, but also a way of showing that we feel at ease around each other. We add even more sensual elements to it, such as holding hands and snuggling. Emotionally speaking, feeling his body close to mine makes me feel safe and warm (absolutely no difference compared to what I feel when we cuddle and hold hands with clothes on). All in all, lust and satisfaction are accompanied by a deep feeling of safety and comfort. It is like a heterogeneous mixture. 

I don't understand how on earth it is possible for one to feel a connection to someone they've just met or whom they don't know well and I don't understand why there have to be expectations right from the start. Aaaarrrrghhhh x_x. 

If two people who don't know each other go to bed, everyone is horrified and sees it as disgraceful. (So it doesn't matter that they want to make each other feel good and treat each other as human beings). But if two people who barely know each other or know each other for a short period of time get into a relationship, everyone is like "waaaaaaaa <3" , "congratulations", "round of applause". Logic not found.  #error404

I don't really get why exactly the "typical" HAS to affect one's free time to so high a degree. :-? 

I don't get how on earth people see strangers are more suitable for them (partner-wise) than a best friend whom they know well and with whom they feel comfortable and warm and so on. (error 404)

I fear that my soul friends will sooner or later leave me in the dust. I fear that the romantic partner might be possessive and demand that he breaks all contact with me. I fear that I will never find what I look for...

"All's fair in love and war." - the first part

So it's fair to do wrongs to people, to give up on precious friendships and so on in the name of the object of one's infatuation?

#error404

8 minutes ago, NullVector said:

 

I know you're joking a bit here, but actually, gift buying in general is something that has always made feel me a bit uncomfortable.

 

I knda feel here like I'm being emotionally blackmailed by society and/or coproprate advertising into expressing the 'worth' a personal relationship along narrow, market oriented lines.

I've always been supporting the kind of (birthday) gifts which are from the heart. Just like the kind of present you'd get a close friend for their birthday. Little, symbolic things, but from the heart. For example, knowing I'm a cat person, my best friend (who was still my zucchini at that time) got me this year - for my 21st birthday - a super cute cat-shaped teacup ^_^. I do understand you to some degree and I also don't get the point of highly expensive gifts such as gold jewellery and similar bullshit.

5 minutes ago, Mark said:

It can seem as though alloromantics see what you are calling "victim" as being somehow desirable. 

There was this quote saying something like "I'd do whatever I please...as long as bae allows me to". So why the hell would you enjoy manipulating someone, and being told what to do and what not to do respectively?! How old are you people, five? This world freaks me out.  

So time and again I hear people say: I'd like to X (X being little things such as a new haircut, a different hair colour, you get the idea), but my boyfriend/girlfriend won't let me. What the serious heck? Who do you think you are to dictate what your partner can or cannot do, and for the "victim", why on earth would you put up with him/her making you feel like you need their permission?

Does this scenario ring any bells to anyone? Can anyone enlighten me? 

So that classic moment when a man proposes to a woman. He kneels and I'm like why the hell humiliate oneself like that and why is the woman so super enthusiastic? x_x

Oh, and what the hell is with that diamond engagement ring and the fuss about it? Trying to prove what?! Like let's take a large amount of money and set it on fire o.O.  

8 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

I think you're overthinking it. My dad says "I love you" to me all the time and we're not romantically involved XD.

Well, exactly what I said. I meant that people generally think the two notions are interchangeable. We should really ask them sarcastically: "what, you mean you're in love with your parents, pets, etc.?"  

Everyone says "I love you" when what they mean in reality is "I'm in love with you", so they use three words so unconsciously that they ascribe them a pseudo-meaning, so they not only give birth quite a few of the myths about aromantics, but also manage to trick a bunch of alloromantics into thinking the two notions are one and the same, so they generate nothing but prejudice and chaos.

#butterflyeffect #error404

Why do most allos say "I love you" when they actually mean "I'm in love with you"? 

23 minutes ago, NullVector said:

@Ice Queen 100 posts, nice work!  .

Here, have a contextually appropriate cookie: 

 

Thank you ^_^. 

3 minutes ago, Nai said:

Well, like, in relationships if you want it to be longterm you have to try and keep it exciting. Some consider certain acts romantic, like buying gifts or going on interesting dates. These things can reignite romantic feelings and keep the relationship going longer. If you're doing the same things or not really doing anything at all, then you'd probably grow bored of the person quickly. But if things keep being interesting, then the attraction can last longer.

It's clearer now. Thank you for enlightening me xD. 

14 minutes ago, Nai said:

Because it feels nice pretty much. Maybe it's kinda like: Why would you eat a cookie if you know you're going to finish it soon? Because I like the taste of cookies. I'm not going to think about what happens after I finish it, but I know that cookies taste good and I'm in the mood for a cookie.

 

From my own experience, that's what I make it out to be at least. Does this make any sense?

Well, it partly does, but...still...the vast majority of the people want a long-term relationship, too. So this and getting those feelings of ecstasy throughout the whole lifetime are kind of contradictory to each other :-?. So what do you guys want exactly?

7 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Are you implying all alloromantics seek out romance all the time?

Not all of them. What I meant it that there are some who keep chasing it despite knowing it is ephemeral by nature. In other words, they think that only because they're not in love with their partner anymore, then something must be wrong and thus they walk away.

3 hours ago, Mark said:

 

There's also the strange thing about dumping friends when they find "(not) the one".
 

 

This is one of the shittiest things one can do. I hate such people's guts. 

Typical alloromantic person: 

*gets a crush*

*dates the person and falls in love soon afterwards*

*starts a relationship*

*considers that person as the most important, and the no. 1 confidante, despite not knowing them well*

*makes grand promises*

*falls out of love*

*no strong bond with the person has been formed in the meanwhile, so it's bye bye*

*meets another person, and it starts all over again*

Me: Error 404. 

Alloromantics: if both research and your own experience(s) have proven to you that romantic attraction is involuntary and ephemeral, then why do you keep chasing it? :-?

In Romanian it's "aromantic", too :p.  But pronounced differently, of course.