Cool thread!
Reading through all this has motivated me to pull a few different people's thoughts together and offer up my own perspective.
Male heterosexual & suspected aro-spec-something-or-other here! I think the negative stereotypes @Cassiopeia mentioned re. the types of relationships @LunarSeas and @cute kitty Meow! Mewo! mention above are very real.
I'm thinking recently that maybe what I'd find desirable is some form of sexual-close-friendship type of relationship (friendship++ if you like), but one where the sex is seen as an expression of the friendship (rather then the 'friendship' being seen as secondary to the sex, or as a kind of 'ruse' to get it - which is a negative stereotype often applied to heterosexual men, perhaps). And I'd want us to have established trust and some level of deeper emotional intimacy beforehand. But I wouldn't want all the assumptions of a 'package deal' that go along with any longer term sexual relationship (i.e. one where you actually feel strong bonds of companionship with the other person and care about their happiness, as opposed to something more 'disposable'). Assumptions like (as others have mentioned): if we're having sex then we should also be living together. If we're living together, we should also be sharing a bedroom together. Etc. (as in: why should the person you're living with, sleeping with, best friends with, raising kids with, etc, all have to be the same person? Isn't that a lot to expect from just one relationship? If it works for you, then great, but surely there should be other options as well...)
It strikes me that the paragraph above is basically invisible as a choice for a relationship archetype within this society. I hadn't occurred to me until recently (reading stuff on here, etc.) that it was even an option to choose a relationship along the lines I've just outlined. Probably why I've subconsciously avoided pursuing relationships to a very large extent! This 'amatonormativity' thing makes it essentially all-or-nothing - you either get to choose the entire 'package deal' of absolutely everything with one person (sex, your closest friendship, co-habitation, childrearing, etc.) or, in the case where you want the sex, but not necessarily one or more of the other things with the one person, you can choose sex where the other person and the relationship surrounding the sex is seen as largely disposable and/or unimportant to you. If you're female and choose the latter option you'll be stereotyped as a "slut" and, if you're male, as a "player" (eww! as a hetero guy I would not see this as at all complimentary, it would actually make me very uncomfortable!). And in both cases you'll be seen as "immature".
How to ask for what I think I actually want, in a social context where it is largely invisible and there seem to be few if any positive role models to emulate, feels like a fucking minefield right now. One I have little idea how to even begin navigating
So much relatable stuff on this thread! To answer OP's question, I guess at various points I've thought I was: broken socially retarded (despite my never really having problems making and maintaining friendships...) emotionally immature too 'picky' too proud/aloof/smart for anyone else (yeah, I know! especially that last one ) a coward Well, maybe I still think some of the above I'm still figuring this thing out after all... I'm wondering if this is something anyone else has done: inventing bullshit rationalizations for why you could never pursue a romantic relationship with somebody? (y'know, when it seemed like it might be an actual possibility) As is: well, I like this person, they are single, but there is REASON X which means it would be a VERY BAD IDEA. And at the time, REASON X seemed like an oh-so-logical reason, highlighting some fundamental incompatibility between us that could just never be bridged. But, looking back now with 20/20 hindsight, it was actually something incredibly trivial! Anybody else ever been 'played' like that by their own subconscious?!
