Constanze

Today I had the sudden urge to learn about physics so despite having a ton of other things I technically should prioritize, I started studying it and it was quite interesting. And I mean, better than not learning anything at all. 

Somehow I managed to do 70% of what I've been pushing back for months on end within less than a day. What the hell, am I not actually a lost case? Is this it? Am I going to stop procrastinating now that I've recognized my own true genius? nah lmao

I am aromantic, I don't really like children, I have almost no mother instincts and am just my best self on my own. I think that means I'm more than ready to be a vodka aunt, just with science and books. Actually, I'll take the alcohol too. 

I am relatively sure that I can't feel romantic 'love', but I am annoyed that I am still sometimes attracted to people or find their personalities attractive. It makes me feel like an impostor even if I'm not contradicting myself at all. 

Executive Disfunction is hitting me hard, I'm hoping to be able to hype myself into productivity by tomorrow. Which is pretty ironic. 

I feel some excess energy in my body, so I will probably stay up tonight and hunt for knowledge to suck up. I'll have to prepare a large coffee early so it's nice and ice cold when I actually get to it. 

Today I watched some videos about how some asexuals view themselves. I've never done that before and it was interesting, but I didn't really find myself there. Maybe that's a good thing though, that I have enough introspection to know what I feel and want differs from that slightly. 

Today I wanted to mention a dear childhood memory to a friend. She excitedly thought I was going to tell her that I have a boyfriend. I have to smile thinking about it now. No.

The snow keeps piling up, I hope it will stay for a few days. The lake nearby even froze over, we enjoyed a refreshing walk through the winter atmosphere. I sure missed this kind of winter.