GoodbyeRepublicServices

I have two aromantic moments. They're pretty well thought-out speculations.

1) In Home Alone 1, Kevin McCallister gets into a quarrel with his brother. Kevin's entire family automatically blames him. Kevin becomes so fed up with his family that he can be heard stomping from the upstairs area, saying "When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!"

My thoughts: If you get married, you won't be living alone. You'll have a spouse. Do you really want that? Also, I think amatonormativity is so ingrained in society that the concept of marriage is automatically paired with growing up.

2) Let's examine the word "bastard". It's used as an insult/swear word. A bastard is simply a person who was born away from wedlock. So, based on this definition, we're going to insult someone by saying that they were born away from wedlock? Why should that be an insult?? Methinks it has something to do with the fact that concepts like romance and (especially) marriage have been given so much societal importance as to be engrained into socially "normal" and "acceptable" practices.

During a point at university, I was living with a roommate who had a girlfriend. One time, his girlfriend texted him (I think), and his phone died before he got the chance to respond. He put his phone onto the charger, but since his phone was completely dead, it took a few minutes before it would let him turn it on again. He was asking me what he should do, because he wanted to text her immediately out of fear of what she'd think if he didn't respond right away. He thought she'd be mad at him or something like that. I told him, calmly, not to worry. I told him: when you get the chance to respond, apologize for the late response and tell her that your phone died. If she's understanding, great! If not, that's a telltale sign that she's painfully shallow, doesn't care much about you, and that the relationship isn't worth it.

4 hours ago, nonmerci said:

well, it depends on the pet names, but some are realy weird

@nonmerci What are some examples of pet names that you think are weird (perhaps another thread could be started on this...)?

For the topic at hand, romance gets tiring in TV shows sometimes, especially if it perpetuates heteronormativity. For example, I've watched a TV show called "The Goldbergs". I enjoy the show and find it entertaining. However, when Barry, Erica and Adam all have significant others (of the opposite sex), I start to think that maybe we could have some diversity of romantic/sexual orientation here. Also, people talking about romance in real life as if everyone is interested in it or wants it annoys me to no end. This also includes judgment towards aromantic people for not being interested in romance.

I'd definitely feel repulsed if I became involved in anything romantic (or sexual or sensual). I'm not repulsed by romance in media, but I do find it somewhat annoying most of the time.

Edit: I'll take it back -- sometimes I actually am repulsed by romance in media and romance as a concept.

I'm also extremely annoyed (sometimes even repulsed) by people calling me "cute", "hot", or "sexy".

Cute? No. Hot?? No! Sexy??? FUCK NO!!! I'M NOT A SEX TOY!!!

11 hours ago, Nobody said:

So...should I just study and get the hell out of this house?

Now, I cannot tell you what to do -- you decide that for yourself. However, if I were in a situation like this, I would want to find a way out of it and live life independent from such a family. If you want to move out, wait until you are old enough. In the meantime, see if you can spend more time with friends or engage in more extracurricular activities.

11 hours ago, Nobody said:

I'm not going to say that I have family problems since I'm not sure if my family behavior is normal to other family

Based on your relationship with your sister, this doesn't sound normal. Perhaps a form of family therapy could help you all out.

Earlier this morning, a pre-video ad popped up on my computer. My reaction went something like this:

Young Woman Wearing Tight, Short Tank Top: If we went on a date, do you think I could turn you on?

Me: NOPE! (Then I skip the ad and proceed to my video)

7 hours ago, Erederyn said:

There were only certain moments, such as prom or school dances, in which this stuff was really in my face and I felt confronted by my lack of romantic attraction

In my senior year of high school, some friends of mine tried to pressure me into going to prom. One of them had suggested that I bring a date. It's a good thing I remained true    to myself and didn't go to prom!

4 hours ago, Sam Spade said:

Apparently a few people acted interested in me and I was oblivious.

Now that you mention it, this may have happened to me when I was a sophomore in high school. I was doing swimming lessons with the National Ability Center and a girl who was a senior at the time put her hand on my shoulder. I tried to show her that I didn't like that, but she didn't seem to notice my body language. Nevertheless, it never crossed my mind that she may have liked me in that way.

What was/is it like in high school/college for you as an aromantic person? Heck, feel free to discuss what it was like regarding your sexual orientation in high school/college, as well.

For me in high school and college, it wasn't too turbulent. I noticed others around me being involved in romantic relationships, but I thought they were "kidding", because they all seemed to be too young (up until 10th or 11th grade, when I finally realized they might not be kidding after all). Thankfully, no one tried to ask me out or anything like that. During those years, I was pretty much left alone regarding romantic/sexual attraction.

I was looking through my high school yearbook, and there was a section where some students quoted pickup lines they used (I think). I was thinking about what I would say if I had to quote a pickup line. Here are my thoughts:

Interviewer: What's your best pickup line?

Me [thinking about a line that picks stuff up]: My best pickup line is a garbage grabber. It's straight like a line and it's AWESOME at keeping the grounds clean by picking up trash!

To me, it sounds like this person has some sort of internalized trauma that they need to heal. Perhaps they have self-worth issues. Regardless, this issue is theirs, not yours. I wouldn't associate with this person anymore. I'd send them forgiveness from afar. Stay strong, my friend!

Such a situation has never happened to me, but if it did, I might try being weird or strange to make someone uninterested in me if they had a crush on me. Who knows? I would have to experiment, I think. 

To me, there's absolutely nothing negative about aromanticism! When others shove amatonormativity, allonormativity, and heteronormativity at me, it's actually entertaining, since I know that I'm protected from them.

No one has ever asked me out, but if it were to happen, I wouldn't hesitate to say "no!" without feeling guilty. Besides, I'd be serving such a person in a way, because if they were in a romantic relationship with me, they'd be held back from finding a better romantic candidate for them.

Something else I find great about being aromantic is that, as said by others, I can focus 100% on myself and not have to put energy and attention into someone else's priorities. To me, that's just not authentic living.

How did I deal with Prom in high school? I'll tell you.

When I was a sophomore, I wasn't even allowed to go to Prom, since I was an underclassman (I didn't care, since I had no interest in going, anyway).

When I was a junior, I was officially considered an upperclassman, so I was allowed to go, but I still had no interest (no one pressured me, thankfully).

When I was a senior, it was a whole different paradigm. Not only was I "allowed" to go to Prom, but some folks tried to pressure me into going. A bloke in my grade level said that I should attend Prom in a tuxedo and have a girl accompany me (spoiler: their attempts to pressure me into going to Prom were rendered futile, and I ended up not going -- on Prom night, I stayed at home and did homework [what a nerd I was/am!] and laundry). The whole process was quite amusing for me; I fancied it a "psychological warfare" of sorts (a war which I WON!!!). Every time I reflect on these experiences, I recount the memories with fondness.

Well, something rather fascinating happened at my workplace yesterday.

Some folks in the break room where I work were talking about how one of my co-workers had a crush on another (I didn't know whether that was true - I have a feeling it wasn't). That lead to my manager stating that "everyone in Park City is dating each other". I replied that that wasn't true -- I'm not dating anyone ... and I live in Park City! Then, my manager said to me, in a joking tone of voice, "What's wrong with you?" I did not reply to that ... as I was already on my way out the door by that point. Before I exited fully, however, others were commenting to me about finding the "perfect someone". I said that I'd already found that perfect someone -- me! They seemed to ignore that fact and they kept talking. However, here is my clever (and hilarious) retort aimed at my manager for saying "What's wrong with you?":

--

There's nothing wrong with me for choosing not to date. What's wrong with YOU for thinking there's anything wrong with me for choosing not to date? (NOT in a joking tone of voice)

Even though, yes, my manager was joking when she said "What's wrong with you?", that still doesn't make it OK. I experienced aro-phobia in action in that moment.

On 4/14/2021 at 5:10 PM, crazydreamer said:

"You are going to marry someone with that haircut? No good indian boy will like that. This leads to bad marriages and other things, that's why the divorce rate is high in America."

Even if you do want to get married, who cares if a "good Indian boy" will like the haircut?! Be authentic to yourself! Speak your truth! Also, who says you have to marry someone of your nationality? When it comes to marriage, let your heart be the wind.

An aromantic moment for me was encountering the following video, and agreeing that it may explain the relationship between aromantics (and asexuals) and social norms.

Did you know that, in China, there's an unofficial holiday for those who aren't in relationships? It's called Singles Day.

As aromantics, let's take a few moments to celebrate ourselves!

I love the fact that I feel freer as an aro. For example, I don't get crushes, which I think lock a person into a mental prison. I will not desire to spend thousands for a wedding, because I'm never going to get married. Without the burden of commitment to a romantic relationship, I can focus on other things in my life, such as school.

I am the youngest. I have an older sister who is about seven years older than I am. I have a cousin in my family who is gay, but no other LGBT+ people, to my knowledge.

I'd rather live in Nazi Germany than get married.

1 hour ago, EllyAlix said:

Yes. What's up with that? 

Well, I was thinking that, since you mentioned that you love science, and Kurzgesagt - In a Nutshell covers a variety of scientific topics, you would enjoy that channel.

21 hours ago, EllyAlix said:

keen science lover (especially CS and physics)

Have you ever heard of a YouTube channel called Kurzgesagt - In a Nutshell?

@homonoromo17

You've mentioned that you feel bad for hurting your ex-girlfriend, and in the short run, you may have. However, in the long run, I think you actually helped her. Think of it this way: You were a stepping stone for her on her way to finding her forever someone, and now, she's free to explore once again. While in your relationship, I'm sure you both learned things about yourselves.

To answer your question directly, yes, I think you did the right thing breaking up with your girlfriend, and no, I don't think you needed to wait a little longer to see if the relationship was going anywhere. From your post, it sounds like you had already been in the relationship long enough to figure out it wasn't going anywhere. "Waiting a little longer" is a human reaction to many life circumstances, I think. I've noticed it in my own life (though not with romantic relationships, as I've never been in one). 

What about in Spider-Man: Far From Home? There were two romantic subplots in that one, both of which I think are pointless (though I don't mind them ultimately). The first one was between Peter Parker and a girl from his school, MJ. The second was between Peter's friend and another girl. I think the movie's main plot could have survived without either relationship.

Hello,

I just visited the leaderboard and saw that my previous account, @The Angel of Eternity, was first place in reputation points a few days ago. So, what are reputation points?