John Rando

13 hours ago, yurihands said:

I'm reading further into this too! I know here it says sexual and romantic relationships, but it can be applied to other dynamics too

To be relationsip anarchy it must be applied to every kind of relationship (platonic, affinity relationship, colleagues, familly, etc...) (and if it it can feel to be a too wide scopes, that's just because anarchy is by definition a anti-authoritarian totalitarian ideology, so it applies everywhere)

8 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Interesting that you looked at it in a binary way of good/bad when I saw the question as finding a presence/absence binary. An alternative to saying 'non-amatonormative', for situations where amatonormativity isn't present or is actively resisted.

If I had to coin a word for that, I think I would  go for "amatoneutrality". As @Qim said, there is no such thing as anti-amatonormativity as a system, but sometimes, amatonormativity can be overlooked in some particular situations within the amatonormative society ; hence "neutrality" as in "gender-neutral pronouns".

I got 58% aromantic and assexual and 17% not aromantic but the proposed answers were not very lith-friendly. I still do not understand how I can have such a high score while still having sexual and romantic attraction. Maybe using material relationships isn't the best way to diagnose a lack of attraction ...

What do you mean by opposite of amatonormativity ?

Is it a societal norm that whould state that monogamous relationship are inherently bad ?

Is it something more about not having a prejudice against not having monongamous relationship ?

Because relationship anarchy is neiter (but widely encompass the second). Relationsip anarchy is treating relationship according to anarchist principles (even if the term have been recently massively reclaimed by many non anarchists). That roughly means trying to :

• not prioritize any relationship over another based on external criterias (such as amatonormativity)
• not prioritize  relationships over what you want in life beside them
• avoid things that could constrain you or your partners in something they don't want in the relationship (including sex, romance, friendship, monogamy, polygamy, bed sharing, comitment, etc.)

I  once met a new woman in the anarchist squat scene and we had several nice conversations about politics, sociology and stuffs with some friends. Once she said that she liked those conversations and that we should talk like that again some times.

Then at a party she asked my number saying that she "would like to know me better" and that it would be nice if I called her to meet once.

At that time, obviously, I thought it was to discuss about politics and stuffs.

So, I called her two days latter, and I found her quite weird, as she seem strangelly overenthousiastic about my call. We set an appointment at an anarchist canteen I'm part of and that was near her workplace.

At that point I thought about the weird conversation again and concluded that there was 4 possible thing that could explain this situation (in order of probability and interest to me) :

1. She is likes me and would like to be friend with me
2. She trusts me and would like to discuss about an affinity secret project
3. She likes me and would like to date me
4. She is an undercover cop and want to extract informations from me

It turns out that she couldn't come finally but we met during a demonstration a few days latter. She was kinda weird and laughed a lot when we started to talk. Then after we exchanged a few words, seemingly out of the blue she said that she wanted to let me know that she was polyamorous, like if this was very important to tell me that at this moment.

    Hummm...

    Option 3 it is then

    Crap...

Then I said I was aromantic and she asked what that means because she was romantically interested in me. I explained and apologized to have misunderstood her. Then she said we should talk about this some other time and went to see a friend of her. We never actually talked about it later.

Fun fact, this is the only person I'm 100% sure that they were interested in me romantically and/or sexually even if I'm in the second half of my 20's. Why aren't people more explicit about that kind of stuffs with me, . It's so confusing.

_______________

On 4/9/2020 at 12:45 PM, Witch18 said:

My sister and I tried watching the Vampire Diaries and I just I couldn’t finish it. I came for the fantasy and I left for the romance.

Same for me. I loved the Originals though.

I casually came out as lithromantic to my parents and brothers (three times for my mom as she dismissed it and forgot the first two times) and I usually say that I'm aro or ace if someone asks because lithromantic is complicated to explain and because I don't date anyway. I like to make fun of myself because of my aro moments and romance obliviousness when I'm with certain of my friends.

I never told anyone  that I'm aplatonic (exept for one person that was obviouslly aplatonic too), because I never needed to, and because I'm afraid of the potential reactions. I lay some hints to those I trust though.

I totally relate to that feeling of being confused by the mandatory (a)gendering system.

I was assigned as a male, so I socialized as a boy. But as an ace, aro and aplatonic, I never totally fitted into the "manliness" mold (pack mentality, ostentatious displays of power and all those things...). I have no gender euphoria or dysphoria and I don't really "feel" what it is the gender behaviour I'm supposed to perform, so I often consider myself as agender. But at the same time I know that I am educated, behave and look most of the time as a man and don't care at all how people gender me, so I do not feel the need to change my gender expression. Therefore I think  (cis) demiboy is the best label for me (and arogender too, I guess).

Usually I don't care at all which pronoun people use for me. That said, I feel very upset (for no strong rational reason), which is unusual for me as I am quite a chill person, when someone changes the gendered language they use to refer me when my gender expression changes. It just don't feel right. If I wear lipstick and a convoluted hairstyle for fun during a party that doesn't mean that I am an other person and I don't want others to make me feel it is the case (but why does it feel such a big deal to me, idk ).

Hey

If I understand you well, you can experience sexual attraction to "strangers" but it fades away once you form a bond with them. This sticks well with the label Fraysexual. This is kind of the inverse of demisexual (ie. you can develop sexual attraction only to people you have otherwise bonded with).