boba

On 12/27/2021 at 5:49 AM, DeltaV said:

You could (ok, for “bisexual” fully spelt out instead of just “bi” it would be odd imho if it referred to romanticism). But it doesn’t change much.

In the end some people are going to think that they’re lgb because of their sexuality. And therefore that they’re oppressed because of their sexuality. But the term allosexual presumably reverses that and entails the claim that they have privilege because of their sexuality. It’s a paradox for them: how can you be oppressed and privileged for the same thing?

Now I’m not willing to defend this reasoning, I don’t take the whole theory that seriously. So discount it as concern trolling if you must.

I’m just saying it’s a common way of thinking.

Those problems occur with labels that are not independent (different from “mutually exclusive”) from each other.

This is not just my speculation, but my observation.

For example even here, we had this discussion about the term allosexual and an user wrote:

Gender, sexuality, and disability are different things. But how can you be oppressed for the exact same thing you're privileged for? Even in the case of cis women or non-cis men, one axis of privilege and oppression is trans status and the other is alignment under patriarchy so it's not the same thing.

As a gray aro, I am stigmatized for my ability to romantically love people of my same gender as well as for how rarely I experience romantic attraction. I'm also targeted for my sexual attraction, which I'm not privileged for. You're invalidating my experiences, posting bigoted propaganda, and being homophobic.

gotcha! Thank you for explaining!

Welcome! Happy to have you here <3 

On 12/23/2021 at 9:08 AM, Holmbo said:

@nonmerci
how would you say the equivalent of "a romantic relationship" in french?
I've taken five years of French but I only know words for food and animals.

 

this is hilarious, and also. me too. same boat, bestie

On 12/23/2021 at 2:21 PM, DeltaV said:

The analogy to “cis” only works partially.

The usual axes of “privilege / oppression” are unrelated from each other. A person’s “state” can be represented by an n-tuple of independent binary values:

• man or woman
• white or person of color
• cis or trans
• straight or lgb,
• able-bodied or disabled
• etc.

So for any combination you can have two people which only differ in one being cis and the other trans; the remaining values are independent from them being cis or trans.

But for “allo or ace” this is not the case. Being lgb means you must be allo, you cannot be ace (or so is generally believed).

And that’s probably what those who push these “arguments” cannot accept: it cannot be right that being lgb confers (even indirectly) a “privilege”.

wait quick q, 

couldn't you be lgb romantically, and still be ace? So, the label alloace would work? 

I'm having a little trouble following what you're saying, and that is probably at least 75% because I might be sick. But, are we saying that people more readily agree with labels if there is a binary / mutually exclusive alternative?

Because if so, I think these "people" (as a constructed audience) might have a very very very difficult time processing the fact that intersectionalities exist

hi hi! an alloaro here! tbh, I think everything that has been said is spot on. 

1. Nearly any criticism against the term "allo" can be compared to criticisms against the word "cis"

2. I would say that for the same reasons that we put pronouns in our bios, it's important to address the label of allosexual / alloaro. It acknowledges that there is a second dimension, and that being allo shouldn't be the assumed default 

LOL all my friends are now in a relationship. so ??? except for one, and I love them greatly

All in your own time! There's no rush in figuring things or accepting things. What helped me was going through aro spaces (i.e apocalypse or even aro hashtags) And really sitting with the idea, though it may be unclear or even uncomfortable right now. It also might be helpful to note that labels are tools used to describe ourselves to other people and to ourselves, but your identity still holds value and truth without them!

edit: I realise that I should've probs told you how long "time" was for me. It took me about 3 years between questioning and actually claiming the label. 

On 11/23/2021 at 12:43 PM, Spadster said:

I sent them a text and they said they would be in a qpr with me :D 

AHHH SAY 

IM SO HAPPY FOR U

idk if this is just me or if it's an aro thing. I'll see things on tiktok or ig, or even pre zoomer media (aka just regular movies) and people will completely fawn over the way someone looks at someone. as if you literally see someone falling in love or someone in love.

and i...??? never understood. Like, no matter how many times I see a situation like that, I always end up wondering? "what is the way???" "She's using her eyes...yes?"

idk, does anyone else also get this? or is it a me being oblivious thing?

interestingly enough, it's both for me? I'm horrendously oblivious at recognising whether or not someone is making an advance on me. So now I'm just going ??? every single time some kind of makes a move that could be platonic or romantic, am I worrying enough? Or am I freaking out too much? 

as someone who is aro, I don't think I can. I don't what it is, having never really experienced it. the closest I could get is "crushes," or the butterflies iim stomach feeling. 

hellooooo!!!! that would be me!! 

I'm sexually attracted to any gender, but just have never felt romantic feelings for anyone. Never had a crush or anything like that. 

WHOOT whoot WHOOT!!!! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!<3 this would've been my first pride, but alas covid

I think if this was a movie where some wise advice was given, it'd be "Don't care about others' opinions of you (i.e loser)" But obviously that's way easier said than done. If possible, I would recommend going with a friend who is in the same boat just to be like '"F! you!" to the pressures of having to go with a romantic partner.

Yeah, I figured I could be aro about a year or a year and a half before I figured out I was bi. But honestly, I think that I never would've been able to come to terms with my bisexuality if I hadn't realised I was aro first. I'd be so confused about why I was interested in women but interested at the same time? So it only made sense that I had to define my lack of romantic attraction before I could define anything else.

Same. I don't despise it, but it always seems to have the same connotation to me as 'oh you'll find the right one, some day.' 

I'm always looking for people to co-op with, so if you're in the same boat or interested, drop your server and UID below.

EU | 709197928

Can't talk on behalf of other aroallos, but yeah. I do get tired of it. Especially since recently a friend and I were trying to do narrative playlists for the last few years of our lives, and I genuinely couldn't find enough songs that didn't have romantic love????

(Just for fun! Can be visual art too? I guess?)

I'll go first! My favourite musical artist is tied between BIGBANG or Taylor Swift. And the song "I Did Something Bad" by Taylor is my current vibe! 

idk friend, some people "catch feels" easily (for lack of better words.) I don't think you can control who you are romantically attracted to, or not. Or even how frequently you're attracted to people, or not. If someone is truly interested in people, but that romantic attraction fades and redevelops quickly. It's kind of out of their control, and I don't think shaming them is helpful.

Also, I think there's nothing really wrong with casual or short-term dating. Sometimes, it really is just a fun thing to do (not that I have any experience lol) I think the key in any relationship is to communicate intentions early on. So if a person knows that they want to keep it brief and casual, they should state that at the beginning. And if they don't know for sure how they feel about the seriousness or duration of a relationship, then they should say that too because that is also a great form of communication.

That being said, I do think there are people who date not just because it's fun or because they're romantically attracted to the people they date, but because they don't know how to be single or because they equate their value with their relationships. Does that make sense? Even then, idk if shaming is the key, I kind of just feel bad for them and the people they could hurt along the way

late to the party, but I'm down! I'm also flexible on multiple platforms, i.e. discord etc

I've been playing Among Us with friends allllllllll the timeeeee lately. Despite the lies, betrayal, and murder, I think it's a really great game to bond over. I'm down to have an Arocalypse Among Us server, if anyone else is?

correct! My favorite is cherry chocolate chip from Braum's!

TPBM has also descended into an Among Us obsession

y'all, pineapple pizza is good ;-;

I'm wondering if what you're looking for is a QPR. Obvi, I don't know the answer to that, but perhaps that's what you're referencing when you mean "some kind of relationship."

As for, the dating app thing, I wish. But sadly no. I definitely think there is a need for it though.

2 hours ago, Tylore said:

I think some allos avoid people as a method of getting rid of unwanted romantic feelings. Still, dick move.

I agree. or like?? just generally being rude/demeaning/ absolutely cruel to people that reject them

it befuddles me endlessly