AroAnomaly

10 hours ago, Holmbo said:

How do you find people interested in polly relationships?

Well, irl it just kind of happens, and a good number of my friends are quietly poly, but rn, it's cause I met them on an LGBTQ thing.

On 1/23/2020 at 2:06 AM, Holmbo said:

Even before I realized I was aro, monogamy seemed strange to me. Why restrict your relationships like that.

I suppose I could see myself having a very unique relationship with someone where we shared some experiences only with each other. But that would have to come naturally.

Yeah, that’s what I’ve literally always felt like, even before I questioned my sexuality, long before I realized I was aromantic.

 I’m pretty much only interested in poly relationships though. I have two zucchini’s rn and they’re both poly and allo (and dating people) and this seems like my happy place relationship wise.

38 minutes ago, Jaide said:

Plus if you’re friends then it makes things super awkward after.

That's the part I hate the most.

No, I totally see what you're saying, and that's really irritating.

13 minutes ago, Anon95 said:

Ohh you are definitely not alone in those feelings! I’m awkward as hell when people flirt with me. Just no. I don’t know what to do with it. And I don’t want to do anything with it.

 

And that feeling when you know they are going to confess... because you just know. Ugh... I was also like “no don’t say it nOooO....” And then they confess and I wanted to disappear.  I’ve felt physically sick after people told me they liked me. A feeling of nausea mixed with dread. You just want to get away from them as quickly as possible.

 

Glad I'm not the only one!

I just want a ton of close friends. Is that too much to ask?

Am I the only one that feels really awkward when other people are flirting with me?

Like, I've (unwillingly) watched enough romance movies and things to know when someone is flirting with me, but I just feel like ugh when people do it.

And it's not the euphoric feeling alloro people say they get either. It's like a sick-to-my-stomach, my-anxiety-is-kicking-in feeling.

And it's even worse when I can tell they are about to confess a crush (again, too many romance movies because my grandmother and sister love to watch them).

I'm sitting here like don't you do it, don't say it. And then they say it and I have to awkwardly be like "Well, I'm aro, but (explanation of my opinions on dating)"

Anybody else understand the awkward feeling? Anyone have any tips?

10 hours ago, Mark said:

What do they mean by "give up on romance"?
What would this look like to them?

They mean they're going to give up on having crushes, which from my knowledge is pretty impossible for alloro people? Idk honestly, they were pretty emotional at the time and not being very clear.

10 hours ago, Mark said:

Worth reminding them that abstaining from romance isn't the same as being aro.

I did, to which they just responded that they were a bit jealous of me never having to go through what they are.

Idk man. 

Just now, metelyk said:

 

Yes! I love her, and the 9 year old who said "mmh, I guess it's a mystery". Also the 26 year old who said "knowing you are with good peeps, it doesn't have to be romantic"

Yess! I was so happy that at least a couple people realized that love doesn't have to be romantic!

So one of my alloro friends has recently had their heart broken, and they've decided to give up on romance as a result. Seems like a bit of an extreme reaction to me, but I'm just the aro, right?

Well, I'm sitting here, trying to make them feel better and convince them to not give up on something that makes them happy, but I have no idea how to do it. Or even if I should be doing it.

Help?

I can relate to most of the things, except the odd "butterflies in your stomach" and such, but I agree with you!

Why do these things have to be romantic???? Can't I just feel that way about my friends????

Also, I love the lady who was for 31 years, she's one of us!!!

Fair enough.

I'm just do it because I prefer the awkwardness on my end of "Oh crap I have to do romance things which I actually have no interest in" rather than not having that person as a friend at all.

Because every time I've dated someone that has been the reason why. Either I'm dating them or we're not really friends because they feel awkward.

@SJB @Jot-Aro Kujo

I did it!!! I talked to them and it didn't go awfully!

I have no idea whether we are still dating or not, but if we aren't then at least we are still friends and they are still talking to me!!!

So that's great!

1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

, I knew I was different, but I didn't have a concept of being aro at the time (because I wasn't aware that it was possible to be aro and not ace).

I felt this in my soul.

I didn't understand this until, like, last week (aka when I finally realized I was aro, because people let me know that aro does not also have to mean ace).

I am, indeed, young (still in high school).

Idk. I'll talk to them about it soon, I guess. I've been feeling really guilty about not talking about it, and you guys have given me a little bit of courage to maybe actually talk to them about it. So thanks for that.

But I hadn't actually told anyone that I was aro when I started dating them and they are really depressed right now and I'm worried that if I tell them that, you know, I don't actually like-like them, then they will feel worse about themself and then it'll be all my fault.

1 minute ago, SJB said:

I think it would limit my friendship with the person since I could not talk about being aro etc.

Well, not being able to talk about being aro is a bummer, but it's not a big deal for me. I'm just happy that we're still friends, even if it does make it awkward on my end sometimes.

2 minutes ago, SJB said:

We are indoctrinated early which is pretty creepy if you think about it. Disney for example. 

DISNEYYYYY! Yes! I mean, I love Disney and all, but it is refreshing to see some of the newer movies and things that don't necessarily have romance at the center of their plots.

Although there's some of the older ones that are also good in that respect (Lilo and Stitch, Treasure Island, Peter Pan, etc).

1 minute ago, SJB said:

You dont think it will affect the relationship eventually since you cannot be real to you?

I don't know, I seem to be doing pretty well so far.

And I mean, I'm always very awkward, so it's not like anyone will notice much of a difference.

2 minutes ago, SJB said:

all the crap we are fed as young as toddlers about romance. 

I feel this phrase sooo much.

It's like people don't realize that romance is not essential to life!

Like even in elementary school you are expected to have crushes and stuff!

Oh yeah, totally. 

I'm faking it right now, even. A good friend of mine told me they liked me and unfortunately I would not have been able to just be friends with them, as they felt too much attraction towards me to be anything in-between not friends and dating. So we're dating. Whatever.

I didn't realize until recently that I didn't feel romantic feeling towards anyone, and I don't really care if I'm dating someone or not. I don't get anything from it, but sometimes just saying "okay, I like you back" even if its a lie is the only way to keep that friendship.

I guess it's just easy to fake it when you know all the things you are supposed to do.

I think that's all pretty cool, and I'm happy for you that you found a label!

I also like micro labeling myself and it frustrates me when I can't find the exact word for me, so I'm happy for you!

For me I had actually been mistaking other things for crushes (after actually discussing with different people what their crushes were like, I realized I've never had a crush in my life).

Thank you!!!

Meeee.

And I always worry that being too friendly, even with people I've known, will be perceived as flirting.

So I just recently (as in like this week) discovered that I'm aromantic.

It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize that I'm aromantic because I do experience sexual attraction and I didn't think it was possible to be aromantic but not asexual.

But I'm here now, so that's good!

Edit, like 6 months later: Turns out I don't feel sexual attraction much either XD. Finally figured out I'm grey-ace.