Silyun

I first came out to my mom and she was not happy. She tried to be supportive but I knew she didn't like that.

A few weeks later, I was talking to my friends about relationships and one of them asked me if I was aro. I said yes and we moved on.

On 8/28/2018 at 5:04 PM, David Box said:

If you get curious and look at the Wikipedia page for Romantic Attraction and get super confused because it made it sound like romance was just strong friendship plus social norms from the middle ages added,

 

I looked at it a few weeks ago so I relate a lot haha To this day, I still have no clue about what it is x)

On 9/22/2018 at 6:38 PM, MargauxTheArtist5 said:

My favorite aro song is Hug All ur Friends by Cavetown. Plus, Cavetown has said that he is aro in a recent q&a video on his YouTube channel!

Yay, one more aro out ! I never heard about him before.

On 9/23/2018 at 1:35 AM, DavidMS703 said:

Heart Eater by aromantic YouTuber Connie Glynn is a great one. Her other original song, Video Boy, has some lyrics to suggest not having romantic feelings toward real people but is about being romantically interested in a virtual character. Another good one is Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha.

I listen to Heart Eater now and then, I absolutely love this song especially "they all say I can change but I've always been this way" I think we can all relate to that.

1 minute ago, Mark said:

Well cupioromantics desire romantic relationships.
It's also possible that some aros may tolerate romance so as to be able to do romantic coded things.

Yeah everyone's different ! Being in a romantic relationship doesn't make you less aro. That's one of the reasons I really thought about before coming out. I didn't want to come out as aro to my friends and then hear those kind of comments if I ever get into a romantic relationship (not likely but we never know).

I really dislike when people say stuff like "oh aros can't be in romantic relationships otherwise they're not aros !" What we do or don't do doesn't change what we are.

That looks fun !

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

I absolutely love romance in fiction and I love shipping but no I don't desire experiencing those feelings.

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

Same as @Mark .

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

No.

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

No. I don't dislike the idea but it's not for me.

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

I wouldn't like that but I think I'd get into a romantic relationship if I had a really good reason (other than love obviously).

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

At the begining I think I'd like it to know I'm desirable but after a few days I know I'd feel uncomfortable so no.

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

A QPR definitely ! Otherwise no.

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

Hmm hard to say.... I wouldn't like that I think.

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" 

It'd be easier to be romantic but I don't know.

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

I've made my peace with being single and without a life partner for the rest of my life so it's okay.

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

I think it'd prevent me from reaching them.

12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

Heck no. It sounds horrible. Talking to a stranger to know if you're romantically compatible ? Nop.

I guess I'm very much aro haha

I love in my own way

31 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

I think you misunderstood. I AM certain that I'm demisexual. What I was confused about was whether it is because of my demisexuality that my sex drive "behaves" like this.

Oh you're right, sorry ^^"

21 hours ago, PRollo said:

Ooh I love some of those songs! I also found a few playlists on Spotify, if you look up Aromantic a few come up 

I found out about them about a week ago ! It's nice to see that we "exist" in other places than arocalypse.

19 hours ago, DavidMS703 said:

Connie Glynn is an aromantic artist who has released two original songs, "Heart Eater" and "Video Boy." "Heart Eater" describes very well the feeling of thinking you're broken because you don't have romantic feelings, and "Video Boy" is about wanting a relationship with a character on a screen but having no romantic interest in real people.

I watched her video about being aro but I had no idea she could sing !

I identify as demisexual and I relate to everything you said.

23 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

 And yet, the idea of having sex with a guy, other than him, grosses me out. And since he is not available anymore, abstinence is like second nature to me.

That's basically the story of my life haha.

You know, even if you're not 100% sure, it's okay to identify as demisexual if you feel that you fit in this category. You can always identify as something else in the future, sexuality is fluid after all

Oh and I'm sorry it didn't work out with him, it's tough

37 minutes ago, PRollo said:

Today I found an aromantic musician called Moses Sumney! (I assume he's aromantic, since one of his albums is called 'Aromanticism") The music might not be to your taste, but you should check it out! Here's the link to "Aromanticism" on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/30WjNaR79shSTGB52IJTw0?si=CEDDNXOAQzOOamYPzmZYFQ

 

I knew about him but it's not the type of music I like to listen to, unfortunately. I've seen lots of aros say that they relate a lot to this but I .. Don't ? But it's nice to see an aro artist !

The songs I know that fit into the "power/anti romance" category are :

Some classic aro anthem :

Love love love - Of monsters and men

I am not a robot - Marina and the Diamonds

Heart heavy - Mother mother

Others :

Love Myself - Hailee Steinfeld

Friends - Anne Marie and Marshmello

We don't have to dance - Andy Black (it's about anxiety if I remember correctly but you can interpret it the way you want to)

Ribcage - Andy Black

Talk Me Down - Troye Sivan

Oh no - Marina and the diamonds

Mud Blood - Loic Nottet

Kpop :

Let's not fall in love - Bigbang (some of the lyrics give me an aro vibe)

One of a kind - G dragon

Mic Drop - BTS & Steve Aoki

Dope - BTS (it's about working hard and becoming great)

I think I'll add some in the future but for now that's all I can come up with x)

20 hours ago, ladyasym said:

Whenever I pictured myself living as an adult, I always saw myself alone, in a cozy small house or an apartment. This never really occurred to me until one day while living with an ex-partner, he asked me what my ideal kitchen would look like, and I suddenly realized that I would never feel entirely content with someone else's stuff or aesthetic  tastes in 'my' space (outside of a roommate situation). He liked picturing us merging our stuff, and I was hugely uncomfortable with it. 

 

I get it. As a minimalist I can't see myself living with someone who has lots of stuff. In my ideal relationship, we'd be living close to each other but definitely not in the same appartment.

2 hours ago, snapesonalane said:

It's funny because I've never been into bed sharing much. Whenever I would imagine being married I wondered if they would be offended or take it as a bad sign if I insisted on separate bedrooms or at least separate beds. 

Same. I'd like to share it sometimes but not every single day.

I realized a few days ago that when I was in middle school I used to picture my brother married with children and me, single. I liked the idea of being the cool aunt who only had casual relationships with no romantic feelings involved x)

2 hours ago, JetSettingAro said:

I don't get it either, romantic gestures and relationships are just too bizzare for me to comprehend.

 

One thing is for sure, I don't need another person to make me a complete person...BUT...and this is a big but...not having that kind of relationship makes it more difficult for me to have kids, which I am willing to bet would make me feel more complete. ? I have always wanted to be a Dad, but its next to impossible to get to that step without first building a romantic relationship.

Yeah it's tough I've always wanted to adopt a kid someday but I'd love to raise it with someone and as you said, it's difficult to do when you're not in a romantic relationship.

3 minutes ago, Mark said:

Something to do with, the cringe worthy, "other half" expression...
 

Ughhh, I hate this. I think an ideal relationship would be like the concept of fusion in Steven Universe. The fusion is a separate entity made by 2 complete persons but they can still stay appart if they want to. I don't know if it's clear or not ><"

I mainly ship fictional characters in queer platonic relationships.

For now I have :

- Sherlock/Watson, a classic.

- Joey/Phoebe (Friends). They are soooo cute together, I love them.

- Carson/Hughes (Downton Abbey). I love when they spend time together talking about their day.

- Howard/Raj (The Big Bang Theory)

3 hours ago, Wildfires said:

Because they are not on their own. I used to be the same. I'm much better thank you and I don't need another person to tell me I exist or define my worth. So yeah, that's what the difference is to me. Romantic people are crippled

But unfortunately that leads to believe that everyone needs a romantic relationship

I have no idea what romantic attraction is but from what I heard from friends I know I've never experienced it and I know I could never be in a romantic relationship for several reasons :

The feelings people say they experience when they see their crush, the wish to be with them all the time, thinking about them a lot etc are :

1) Very smothering. I don't want to be with someone and feel forced to spend time with them.

2) temporary and usually turn into something else. A lot of couples don't even like each other. They're just used to the other's presence, whish is why I feel much safer in my platonic relationships. I like and love my friends, otherwise I wouldn't hang out with them anymore but romantic relationships don't work like that for some reason.

3) There are too many expectations. It's like once you put the label "romantic", you have to do a bunch of things otherwise you're not normal. No thanks.

4) I just don't get it. Why would people want to sing love songs to other people ? Why is sharing everything so important ? Why do they talk about "finally being complete" ?

That being said, I still want to have intimate relationships but not in a possessive way and I think that's one of the differences between us, aros and alloromantic people.

Once they're in a relationship their partner becomes all that matter and they want to be all that matter to their partner. 

Even in polyamorous relationships, they're usually together in this "bubble".

I don't know, maybe I'm totally wrong and maybe I'll change my mind in a few months but that's how I feel now haha

On 7/16/2018 at 9:55 PM, JetSettingAro said:

I'm not sure what your experience is, but I have noticed that couples only like to talk to other couples. Our so called "friends" treat us like we are diseased and avoid us like the plague, especially once they get married and have kids. At that point, if you can't talk about couples and parenting stuff then you are a worthless to them.

That is so sad . My closest friends are okay with me being aro so I don't think they'll ever see me as diseased but I think my family would see me that way if they found out.

You're right about couples. It is so boring when they have only two conversation topics.

On 7/17/2018 at 12:07 PM, Mark said:

What I find really odd and baffling is the way in which many allos can very quickly, sometimes in a matter of hours, get into a "deep" romantic relationship.
Very often marginalising, even ending, pre-existing relationships in the process.

I don't get it either haha

15 hours ago, JetSettingAro said:

I am actually happy being alone to an extent, especially since that means that I don't have to partake in romantic relationships, but it is a lonely road. I get jealous of the close friendship that many couples have, and I wish I could find a deep permanent friendship like they have. The truth is that I have built many close friendships throughout my life, but invariably those friendships wither away once the other party gets into a serious romantic/sexual relationship with someone else.

This is my worst fear. I have some friends I'm really close to and I'm so scared to lose them once they get into a relationship. It just makes me sad to think about because that'd mean our friendship wasn't important enough for them. I feel like a lot of people take friendship for granted and it hurts because it means so much to me. To me, friends don't just "come and go".

1 hour ago, eatingcroutons said:

 

Man I am so glad to discover that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I have always been utterly baffled by how people can just start dating someone they barely know. 

Yeah I don't see why that's the norm. Nothing seems right haha. The worst is when in movies two people go on a first date and kiss at the end of it even though they met like, a week ago....

The whole concept is weird. Dating is like going to a job interview as both the employer and the one job hunting at the same time.

On 5/13/2018 at 11:04 PM, Ice Queen said:

 When a guy asks me out, with the intention of pursuing a relationship with me, what am I supposed to tell him? "I don't like you now because you're a fucking stranger, but I MIGHT come to love you deeply in two years' time"?

I'm really confused by the concept of dating for this exact reason. Also, when you don't know the person, it must be so awkward at first, just imagining it makes me feel uncomfortable.

@Blue Kafka I don't think I would be happy in a romantic relationship but I'm definitely interested in a QPR but it's so hard to find, unfortunately. It's already complicated enough to find someone compatible with us, we really don't need family/friends to pressure us into dating...

About the jealousy part, I feel a little envious when I see how close a couple is. I'd love to have someone I could connect with like that (well not exactly like that but, you know).

@Skittles87 Oh my gosh, I LOVE the idea of Faith as aro ! She was my favorite character of the show, I wish she was the MC ><

I don't know if anyone has already said it but I see Arya Stark as aro. She doesn't want to get married and she's not interested at all in romance.

On 5/22/2018 at 11:33 PM, Spirit of God said:

Definitely not true. It could be a sexual or sensual relationship, no romance involved.

It's a shame that for most people sensual and/or sexual relationships are associated with romance.

Hmm the most common misconception I hear is that a traumatic event made us aro. That or we're psycopaths (obviously... *sigh*)

I don't know if anyone has already said it but I thought romantic love didn't exist and everyone was pretending it did ^^"