Rising Sun

There is no way to know for sure, because it's like feelings... How do you know you're feeling this way ? You can't really describe it, you just know because you feel this way.

Personally, I notice how much dysphoria there is at any given time, how I perceive myself as a general picture and what gender my character is (and naturally, where I feel comfortable being a character of said gender) in my dreams. Of course we can be any gender in our dreams and this in itself doesn't mean anything, but if you're a certain gender in several dreams and you feel comfortable to the point where it's natural and you might even say that you liked it, I think it's something that shouldn't be ignored, it probably means something important.

5 minutes ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

But, I stand firm in my stance that aromantics have never even felt a crush or limerence.

From personal experience, same. Not feeling a desire for romance (voluntary or innate) doesn't prevent from having crushes or falling in love. If it did, a lot of persons here would need to switch their identification to fully aromantic (and me among them). I think it's more an indicator of being some kind of grey, or at the very least not very romantic for people who still easily have crushes.

82. 

Some of the statements in that test really scared me. It sounds like a psychosis, and everything I dislike about romance, much more than the things I actually like about it.

Not really, unless if novel and comic strip drafts, caricatures and poems sent to my loved ones count.

Mainly science fiction, humor and parody.

I never had crushes, I never thought about getting married later. I never wanted to play Barbie and those kind of games I found supremely boring. 

I had a bit of an obsession with imaginary friends. I fantasized about ideal friendships that would last forever, and imagined complex stories and whole exotic cultures based on them, the same way as preteen girls fantasize about an imaginary perfect crush. It was the last thing I was thinking about in bed while sleep was slowly making my thoughts fade, and in a world I didn't understand well, it was one of the few things that would make me happy.

I used these stories to create some of my novels, and I've recently thought about writing the 3rd version of a novel based on the main story. I would like to finish a satisfying version one day, a secret garden I can eventually publish and be proud of.

I don't know about IPB 4, but I know that IPB 3 isn't optimized for IE. There are serious issues with it and the developers never fixed them. For example, posting pictures is impossible, unless if you enter the tags directly. I think you can expect serious issues with IPB 4 on IE as well.

I'd like having children, although the more time goes by and the unlikelier it is, for various reasons. But I'm OK with it, as I consider having children a privilege rather than a right.

I never felt like there is a connection with being aromantic. I rather think that it's simply because our society has become more individualistic and people are more attached to their freedom. Which is even more true for the youngest of course. Desire to remain child-free is a wide scale phenomenon in the western civilization.

• I've experienced romantic attraction twice.
• I have depressive episodes, and I suffer from trauma.
• I really enjoyed the Doctor's romance with Rose, I found it very cute (please don't hit me, no !). Although I felt really sorry for the terrible way Mickey was treated because he was a great guy and he didn't deserve that.

2 hours ago, breaddd said:

• I'll often call humans "adorable" and I'll say that I love them just because they're being cute

But it's cute ! I find my squishes adorable too ! Like puppies  That's how I know I'm having a squish !

There's no way I'd ever tell them. Most of my friends don't know (which is best this way IMO), and I would tell all my friends, even those I don't trust at all, long before I would even start considering telling any family member.

I don't know if Merida really is aromantic (plus, how old is she ? maybe 14 ? definitely not an age where only old-fashioned girls dream of marriage and they dream of marriage only because that's what their parents want and what the media suggest they should do). Actually, I feel like it doesn't matter, because whether she's romantic or not, she just wants to be free from relationships and anything that would restrain her in general. Even if she were romantic, she certainly would have the capacity to say no to her feelings if they know they could be potentially harmful to her freedom.

Or on the contrary, heard all others saying you're gay and thought "maybe they're right, maybe I'm really gay ?", staring at girls (or guys) a bit like a creep, waiting for the spark that would never happen.

I know that this is a very personal answer and that there are probably exceptions to any rule on Earth... But other than jealousy, the other way I easily identify a crush is physical attraction. I find my crush really handsome and attractive, I feel anxious and very excited (some kind of extreme restlessness, as if I had an infinite amount of energy) when I'm around him, and I desire to touch him. It isn't necessarily sexual by nature, it's a link between sensual attraction and emotional connection. I want to use very sensual touch to connect emotionally, whereas I don't need more than friendly touch like hugs with a squish.

For me at least, other than jealousy and sensual desire, there isn't any fundamental difference between a crush and a squish. The crush adds a strong sensual dimension that wouldn't exist otherwise ( = sensual and aesthetic attraction, and sometimes sexual attraction, basically), which makes it something quite passionate.

I'd rather say that exclusivity is more a monogamous trait, and jealousy a monogamous romantic trait in particular.

Anyway, when I want someone to be my committed best friend, and I want to be their committed best friend as well, with a connection between us that's stronger than the connection that person may have with their romantic partner, I think that's a desire for exclusivity. Not jealousy, but still some kind of exclusivity, in a way.

On 16/4/2016 at 5:59 AM, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Hmm, I am definitely seeing exclusivity is a good keyword to distinguish crush from squish, and romantic attraction from platonic attraction. I can agree with @omitef that with polyamory, you could be exclusive with three or more people, instead of the traditional two. Exclusivity sounds better than jealousy too. The jealousy springs from a desire to be the "one and only" with a person. Seeing or imagining them with someone else filling that role can cause jealousy (among other bad feelings).

I don't really agree with this. With both, I want some exclusivity. But I experience jealousy only in a romantic context, so I think, on a personal level, that jealousy describes the difference much better.

When I was younger, I sort of knew it. The label didn't exist at that time where most people didn't even know that Internet existed, but I felt I was, because I didn't experience any kind of attraction at all. 

When I was 23, I experienced attraction for the first time, and I forced myself to think I was just "normal", but I had to eventually face it, feelings just don't work that way, they can't be forced. I can experience romantic attraction and form a romantic bond, but it happens extremely rarely, and all the cheesy stuff in romantic relationships is a turn-off, flirting, pet names and all the rest ; and when you have a desire for QPRs that doesn't exist for romance, that's already considered abnormal and unhealthy enough. Sorry, romantic world. I just don't function the way you want me to, and I've always felt it.

13 hours ago, Natkat said:

your not into romantic men? Not at all? But don't you enjoy wine and cheese? (This one were actually hilarious) 

If ever you need help about the romantic French stereotype, I volunteer...  

Unless if it's meant as an insult, I find being compared to AI flattering I wish I were that perfect !

YMBAI if you hate all dating sites.

But isn't exclusivity by definition limited to one person ? I thought that because of that, it could only be used in monogamy.

Personally, I'm very monogamous, so I have this need to have a bond where we both are each other's most important person for life, I need a bond that we're alone to share.

Yes, this.

Not jealousy like in romance. More a need to be each other's most important person. If the other person has a romantic partner, it doesn't matter, but you want your platonic relationship to be more important anyway, to be the first in terms of emotional intimacy and attachment. 

So, I wouldn't qualify this as jealousy, but still as a need for some exclusivity.

15 hours ago, omitef said:

Okay, so speaking as someone who's lithromantic, and had a crush turn into a squish, here's my opinion on defining romantic attraction.

 

The difference between platonic and romantic attraction, for me, is exclusivity. When I feel platonic attraction towards someone, I want to be a significant part of their world, but not the center of their universe. I want to get close to them and make them happy, but I don't feel the desire to always be close to them, or be a major source of their happiness. When I feel romantic attraction towards someone, I want to be their everything. I want to be the one who is there for them, 100% of the time, providing everything and anything they want or need--except when I actually end up doing it, or get asked to do it, I feel really gross. 

1. Not true for me. It depends on how intense my squishes are, but the most intense I ever had had the same need for exclusivity as in my most intense crushes. (and the same level of intensity too)
2. Doesn't work with polyamory.

Now that i think about it, Kristoff would make a very good example of a demiromantic guy.

20 minutes ago, Simowl said:

"I love this person so much"

"So you want to marry them?"

"No, I love them platonically..."

"Love means you want to date them!" 

I suggest this...

"Do you love your mum ?"

"Yes, why ?"

"So you want to date your mum ?" 

... Enjoy the awkward moment.

I hate stereotypes. Things couples do on Valentine's Day, nicknames, noisy "toilet plunger" kisses, those things aren't cute, they're just cheesy, and not even cutely cheesy. It's such a sugar overdose that it's enough to make you diabetic just hearing about it.

And the worst of all, the "love at first sight" stuff. Come on, that's not love, that's attraction. You can't love the same when you know only someone's body and superficial behaviour, and when you really know someone's soul. It's one of my pet peeves when somebody pretends the contrary.