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BirdNerd

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About BirdNerd

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    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Orientation
    grayromantic
  • Pronouns
    she/her

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  1. Decided with all the impending loneliness I've been feeling that I ought to get used to my own company. So far I have done a pretty crappy job of making myself get out for something other than work or errands. But tonight I went out just for me--I went to an art exhibit reception that included a photograph and poem pairing by me, and then I went to a graphic novel discussion group at my public library and picked up a bunch of books I don't have time to read. It was mostly pleasant.

    1. Eklinaar

      Eklinaar

      Yeah, socializing can be frustratingly unsatisfying, but I understand the need.  Good luck with all that.  I spend most of my time alone, too.  I focus on my hobbies a lot, and I make friends online.  Hopefully you can find something that works for you.

    2. Zorcodtoa
  2. I finally got out of the house and let myself take some sidequests. Lately I have not been going out with friends as much and had decided I would just start taking myself out but hadn't gotten motivated to actually do it. Today I had a training for my volunteer gig that took me to a university out of town so I didn't have to fight my laziness in getting out in the first place. While I was on break I glimpsed a skeleton in different area of the building my group was in, and I decided to be snoopy and went to investigate--I found a hall filled with taxidermy critters. Then on my drive home I decided to take the long way so I could stop by a state park. I went on a short walk in the woods and through a butterfly garden. It was lovely. (Plus I love all the architecture in the park--many building were made in 1930s as part of WPA and made of local wood and stone). Hopefully today will encourage me to get out there more on my own.
  3. Thought I would share this aromantic pride space flag. Not my work. The person who made this has made several other pride flags, too. https://mobile.twitter.com/ohmwu/status/1005743359724523520

     

    (Probably should share this on the forum but I'm too lazy to figure out where to post it.)

     

    1. NullVector

      NullVector

      Nice. Stars are probably fed up of being employed as romantic cliches anyway ;)

  4. Everyone seems very much alloromantic in my family. I don't even think I know anyone irl who knows the term aromantic. When I explained it to my mom she said, "duh, of course you are" and that was the most understanding response I have gotten. I haven't told any other family though, especially not my poor granny who has finally given up asking when I am going to get married. I don't have family as far as I who are pansexual. At some point my sister said she was bi-curious but I don't think that's still the case? I have some friends and acquaintances who are pan.
  5. Watching st:tng season 4, episode 25, in theory, where Data pursues a romantic relationship. About how I remembered my past dating life. The romance just does not compute.

    1. Eklinaar

      Eklinaar

      Yes, I love this episode!

  6. It took until recently for me to hear the term shipping--these days my 12 yo daughter ships everybody, ha. (It's funny, what opposites we are when it comes to romance. Best example of this when she wanted to buy an antique key to give a boy she liked and tell him it was the key to her heart; I was a bit repulsed but didn't want to discount her feelings so I told her that it was a sweet gesture ) Honestly I didn't even get what it was for awhile, which makes sense because I don't really do it. I find myself bored with fiction that is romantic, especially those where a perfectly fine friendship has to turn into something "more." I don't ship people in real life either though I do try to be mindful of respecting my friends' romantic relationships. I am a crappy romo cheerleader though.
  7. I can relate. I remember this happening in my 20s, my roommate noticed I had walked home from school with our neighbor a few times and proclaimed, "that boy likes you." Except it didn't end with my obliviousness. My roommate proceeded to meddle and the neighbor ended up asking me over to watch a movie. I didn't think anything of it because I was used to having guy friends and wasn't convinced my roommate knew what she was talking about. Well, I ended up getting my first kiss planted on me in a super cheesy cliche moment that made me laugh (out loud at him). And for some reason that didn't drive him off and I didn't decline spending more time with him. Next thing I know he has introduced me as his girlfriend I went with it for a couple months and then realized we had a complete mismatch of feelings (now I recognize as a lack of romantic feelings on my part). Poor dude, I ended up giving him the "it's not you, it's me" line. I really wish I had realized what was going on about myself then, or even highschool. Would have saved me some floundering and feeling like something was "wrong" with me. I think I am going to try to embrace the solo dates more. I go out with friends, but am a home-body otherwise. But lately I have been feeling a disconnect from my friends. Recently, I went to an art crawl with a friend, her husband, and kids and I felt akward/ignored for most of the night and decided afterwards it probably would have been better to have just gone alone. Now I just need to get the motivation to get out.
  8. Sentencing is actually an apt description sometimes. I think my main problem is feeling a lack of connection--that the folks I am friends with value the friendship differently from me and/or I am worried about them not sticking around. I do have two friends who I am pretty close to rn and have spent time with them and their spouses. One pair is a new couple who are very much into the PDA so sometimes I end up feeling like a third wheel but the other two are usually fun to both spend time with--we play board games together, share a garden, etc. At times these two friends have been my source of platonic affection but not as much lately. One of my friends will clutch my hand and want to sit close during movies,and she is like this with everyone but usually only when she has been drinking which puts a damper on the whole thing; thankfully she is trying to get sober--I'd much rather her have take better care of herself. The other is affectionate on occasion, when she was going through a very rough time she would ask me to hold her hand, we hug when greeting each other sometimes, we sometimes sit close while watching movies, etc. But it has seemed stifled lately--I have a hard time not thinking there is some reason for it. I have a habit of overthinking things but she is also not very direct. I don't want any benefits at this time or even really to expand my irl social circle much more so I guess I will just have to steal the occasional back pat.
  9. Yeah a bit. I have the advantage of living on 17 acres of woodlands/meadows. I like to spy on the birds. I realized I only introduced myself in terms of orientation and relationships but I guess there is more to me. While I am on the topic--I am an aspiring museologist (have the degree, working on getting into the career). My hobbies include putzing around outside like Tolkien, going on nature nerd outings, photography (totally an amateur but I enjoy taking pics while I am outside), visiting all the museums, reading (southern lit and horror are some of my favorites), crafting (mostly knitting and sewing), and watching movies (I love introducing my daughter to horror movies and I love a good documentary) and tv (forever favorites include star trek--all of it but primarily TNG-- and x-files).
  10. I'm so glad I found this forum--it has already helped me give name to my feelings, or a lack thereof, and helped me feel less alone. I recently discovered the term 'aromantic' while volunteering for a support group for the LGBT+ community in my bible-belty town. I have not admitted in even this safe space to being a member of the community, just acted as an ally. I have only told one person irl most of my story. I am a cisgenedered female. I am a single mom to a 12yo sassy pants gal. I haven't had any relationships beyond friendships in more than 13 years intentionally--though my reasoning has shifted overtime. I am pansexual, though I have only ever acted on attractions to guys. I was an older teenager before I even felt sexual attraction. I always felt awkward when (hetero female) friends would dish on their crushes, but I eventually learned to play the game just to keep them from thinking I was gay. Most people in my life at the time were fairly bigoted. I didn't even let myself admit that I had sexual attraction to women until I was in college and more recently that opened up as I met non-binary and transgender folks . While I am pansexual, I have a very low drive, hence my 13+ of nothing happening. I guess at this point I could take it or leave it. Having found the concept of the aromantic spectrum, I finally feel like things make sense. I have dated in the past but all of those experiences left me feeling out of place. Same for any conversations friends and family have about romance, including those friends who dished about their crushes. It wasn't just about my being closeted sexually as I had assumed all those years, but there was another element. Romance just does not seem to compute for me. I think maybe, MAYBE I have felt romantic inclinations once or twice in the past but it wasn't something I got to explore with those people. In both cases they were guys I had a strong inclination to want to be friends with, developed very close friendships with (really were amongst my "best" of friends), and then started to notice what seemed like an actual crush. I haven't decided if I may be more demi or just greyromantic. In either case, I currently have no desire to be in a romantic relationship. I don't feel like being as closeted about being aromantic and have actually talked to several people about it. My mom said, "well, duh" when I told her. Most of my friends say it just comes from my being shy or that I am being anti-romantic because I am single.So again I am glad to find a place to embrace this part of myself and not feel like I am speaking a foreign language. I feel it kind of sucks though to realize this about myself in the context of my current relationships and why I feel so effing lonely. All of my friends are married or have partners they've been with for years, and as many of you probably feel those sorts of relationships tend to take precedence. Um also, I didn't realize touch-stravation is a thing. Reading about it here and in psych journals makes me realize part of my problem may very well stem from that--I literally haven't touched anyone other than pets in a week and patted my daughter on the shoulder twice (she doesn't really do hugs or handshakes with most people). I mean that can't be helping my depression much. But I am not really sure how to address it without feeling overbearing or weird. Anyhow. I guess that is enough of an introduction/novella.Thanks if you have read this far.
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