nonmerci

On 11/22/2022 at 1:28 PM, Acecream said:

a friend talked about their work in a group that is doing workshops about queerness in schools. "sometimes students ask about how they know if they are in love." sadly they didn't answer the question, it would have been interesting for me

If only they answered. But usually you have the answer "when you know, you know".

Yeah, when they don't have any ideas, show put romantic subplots out of nowhere.

Like, I don't think it comes from a professional weiter, but I remember someone on the internet justifying why there are no aro or ace characters because "shows can go on for a long time, so when they need to easily to create conflict, writers need the romantic and sexual tools, because it os quick and easy when you don't have ideas". Litteraly justifying the necessity of romance and sex in media by the idea that the writing will necessarily becomes bad. 😫

I don't know this show but I think it is sad it ends up like this.

Romance doesn't automatically make people happy. It doesn't make anxiety goes away, and people areas likely to lose their romantic partner than their friends, if not more (in my country, 45% of marriages end up in divorces). So I really don't think that romance is going to solve anything, that's just a lie of society.

For what you say it sounds like anxiety is the problem because it makes you scared of hypothetical scenarios. Anxiety would still be there even if romance was in the balance.

My advice would be to focus on things you can control, and on the things that you really desire (and not things tour mom or society say you should want).

Loveless ? That's the only book I know woth an official aro character and with a plot that centers around it.

I was reading a sex-ed book that mentionned asexuality (very briefly, they don't really cover it), but nit aromanticism. And I thought "OK, it is about sexual orientation, not romantic ones". Except that being aro affects someone's sexuality, when you think about it !

In general it is annoying cause it invisibilizes the fact that aromanticism exists, in particular when they point out that asexual people can fall in love but don't point out that aromanticism exists on its own.

You are not forced to come out, you need to be ready for these things.

Oh I don't even remember that part ! I didn't know I was aro when I read it.

I'm not as surprised though. Don Quichote makes fun of other books and romance is a big part of them, so if there is such a story in the book, it is logical that the men are painted as overdramatic.

Still it is interesting to see Marcela painted as being in her right, not common, in particular in 1605 !

Most positive reaction I had (twice) was acceptation and no questions asked; I don't remember but both people was young adults and knew about aro identity.

Worst reaction (not counted my parents as I've never used the word or explained the concept) : when I explained what aromanticism is, a coworker almost gave me a full bingo card. But as I was taking the time, I thought she was getting it... except that she concluded with "there are names for all deviancies these days". Honestly, this one is also the most original I got.

True.

My dad is a huge homophobic, and even a worst transphobic. I am not. It's too easy to find out excuses. You are an adult ? Educate yourself.

(To be honest it was more television that educated me on these subjects thab my dad, but still a valid point)

On 12/6/2022 at 10:51 PM, Lovebird said:

Hmm, not really a fan of the idea that me dating people as being labled as "complex", it's actually quite easy to understand, people are just too ignorant to not want to hear it.

Yes true.

I think it is important to remember that it is not necessarily easier to understand an aro who doesn't date and an aro who does, in particular when this is in representation and not just definitions (everything is harder without examples) : seeing the characters's experiences show how they differ from the "norm", so it is easier to understand what it means.

Also, there are people who will get romance-repulsed aros, and not at all romance-indifferent ans romance-favorable aros or the aro spectrum. But there is also the contrary : people who think it is impossible to be repulsed by romance, etc.

Experiences are different but not necessarily more complex.

I hope so. Tell us how it goes !

9 hours ago, A User said:

but i don't want people actively hating on me (because i don't like negative attention)

OK fair but here's the thing : you can't satisfy everyone, and trying to do it by doing things you don't want will hurt your mental health.

Also, you won't date A just to make other people happy, right ? Not only it won't be right for you, but it will hurt A in the end.

I think the best you can do is being very clear and firm about not liking A. Otherwise they will think you like him back, it will give him hope if he also like you, and it will hurt him more than just a no.

On 12/5/2022 at 8:19 AM, Neon said:

I have even seen this when people talk about Loveless.

Seriously ? I don't think the representation in Loveless is perfect, and I have no problem saying it, but I still think it is a good rep. The issue I have is not even the aro part lol (well, kinda linked, but it would be too long to explain). That's a book I would recommend to anyone who wants to learn more about aromanticism, even if Georgia and I had a completely different experience.

On 12/5/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ikarus said:

But optics for allos is still very important and an easy way for allos to better understand the more complex aro characters is for them to understand simpler characters who experience absolutely no romantic attraction.

Made me think about something I've seen, not about aro rep, but it can apply to all the representation : authors have to decide who is their audience, because they don't write the same when they talk to the ones they represent, and when they talk to the ones they don't represent; or when they talk to people who know the subject, and to people who don't.

So a good aro rep will adapt to their audience and will make them ubderstand whatever they want them to understand.

Also the key to good representation is diversity. I feel like a problem we have with these questions is that people will reject a representation that doesn't match their experiences as being a stereotype, and will want people to stop writing it; but different people have different experiences and that's what we shall see, diversity. Aros in QPRs, aros loving their friends, loveless aros, aros who tried romance, aros who never tried, etc. And that's why it is craazy to me to expect that a single character could be the perfect rep : no matter how hard someone tries, they will never create a character that will resonate with everyone in the community.

Maybe you can try to talk with a teacher about it ? No one has the right to pressure you to do anything.

Another thing to do would be to talk with A about it. Yes, that can make you uncomfortable, but the situation you are in is already uncomfortable so at least, talking could end it. Ask him if he does have a crush on you (maybe he doesn't, who knows), and tell him you don't and that his friends's behaviour upset you. If he is a decent guy, he'll accept it.

1 hour ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

How would aroallos be depicted, especially in movies/series which aren’t for adults, maybe teen or children novels/movies/series? 

 

Not every form of media wants to depict sexually explicit scenes, so I’m wondering how it would be depicted? How would asexuality and sexual attraction be explained to younger audiences (I don’t necessarily mean kids, could be pre-teens or teens). 

 

I, personally, would rather prefer if movies/books had no sexually explicit scenes. Maybe if you want to show it, it could be implied. 

 

(I don’t mean to offend anyone, by those statements, of course).

Sex education has a scene where they explained asexuality, it was very esay tto do actually, the sex therapist explained to the girl what asexuality is. I always thought it was disapppointed that the show didn't have an alloaro character, even for one episode, it could easily fit in.

Now I suppose you didn't watch Sex education cause this show loves sex scenes lol. I mean that's not a sex scene, but season 3 finale will never leave my mind (not necessarily in a bad way but that song, that went crazy).

Also I think it is even more important tto have this targeted to a not adult audiences, so alloaro teens cab see themselves and understand better what they feel. Alloaros will correct me if they want but I always thought it must be confusing for them, in particular when sex without romance is so condemned.

3 hours ago, whatistheromance said:

Was waiting for someone to say that 😅

You welcome.

As Lady Gaga would say, I was born this way.

Now I think that scientists were not able to find the source of orientations but believe it to be a mixed of enviromental and "born this way" factors.

9 hours ago, Nix said:

Sabrina works for Jugheads favourite burger chain in this story segment and had to wear a full body burger costume for the job

Thanks for clarifying, I thought he sais that cause he loves burgers so much.

I think the only (official) representation I've seen is Jess in Loveless, and even if it is rude for me to say it, she is kinda the character equivalent of the little sentence that says "by the way aroallos exist" in every article : great she's there but you learn nothing about her experiences. It was a bit disappointed cause I tried to learn more about aroallo experiences but it's hard to find.

Oh my, now I want one.

6 hours ago, sevan said:

panaspec agender folks has all the chaos crystals. if you dont know this panaspec is strictly being on the aspec for every type of attraction so one can claim even more As

Never heard of panaspec. I just call myself anattractional. I'm not agender though so I can't claim all the crystal crystal chaos.

3 hours ago, Neon said:

You don't have to use those as labels. In general I see them more as current-moment representations of comfort level.

I, for example, am generally romance/sex averse, but sometimes I'm indifferent, and other times I'm repulsed. I use those words and their definitions to gauge if I'm okay with stuff that is going on/going to happen, and plan my actions accordingly.

While using them as labels is undoubtedly useful to some people, don't feel any pressure to nail them down.

Yeah I don't even use them at all.

1 hour ago, Neon said:

Just being awful. Some people are going to choose hate no matter how many outs they are given, because they don't want to change. Even confronted with facts, logic, understanding, etc., some people just will not listen.

Oh yes. I've seen people just vanished after being destroyed by logic and examples, only to spread the same bigotry later. Or they answer with arguments that are nothing to do with what you are saying and get mad when you come back on topic cause "you don't listen to me". They do like you never used convincing rhetoric...

Makes me think of something else : some LGBT people are afraid to see that they will no longer be the center of the movements. I've seen some gay men being transphobic cause they think trans people will turn gay men into women and makes them invisible or things like that. I think I've seen it argued about aces and aros people to.

Like, I've really someone argue that the SAM will lead people who has internalized homophobia as heteromantic homosexual so they can treat gays badly for sex before going back to their wife, so we should stop using it and gay aces should just sa they are gay, not aces. And though the person didn't say, it was clear they consider gay aro as a red flag cause they don't want the romance.

And no matter how much we told them he was wrong, he kept sayong the same things without listening...

16 hours ago, whatistheromance said:

Yeah I get that but do they actually have an argument to support it at least a tiny bit or are they just idiots

Well they have arguments, but not valid arguments if you ask me, so they are still idiots.

What I've seen (I don't agree with these arguments, they upset me) :

-what matters is who you are attracted to, not how, aces and aros are just modifiers of the real orientations; aces or aros with another identities are already included and the other don't belong (well sometimes people with that view also include aroaces)

-there are no stigma against aros/aces that doesn't affect celibate or single people so there are no prejudice/discrimination/oppression against them specifically and there is no difference between them and single straight people

-oppression olympics (aka, not oppressed enough to be in the community)

-aros/aces have the same experience as single straight people, they pass as such and you never know if they don't tell you

-het aces and het aros will come so the community will be invaded by straight people

-het people will use the grey identity to come even if they have a perfectly normal experience, they just want to think they are special or were brainwashed by a-spec people who thinks that anyone who doesn't feel attraction constantly is a-spec

-A is for ally, nothing else

-aces and aros didn't help creating the LGBT community so they don't belong

-they will steal the ressources and the money of the people who really need it (one time with the idea that if we somehow prove that we are able to survive without them and produce events, ressources etc, they will make us the honor to accept us)

-problems faced by aros and aces are different than the ones faced by other LGBT identities so they should form their own community (this is the only argument I get, but we can say that about other identities, like, gay and trans people have different problematics as well)

-problems faces by aros and aces will be better handle by feminist associations (the fact that men can also suffer from amatonormativity, corrective rape, etc, is ignored, as well as the fact that the oppression is due to the orientation and not patriarchy)

I think I've seen other things, but I forgot them. They are all as invalid as these ones.

Koisenu Futari.

It's a Japanese tv show where the two main characters are aroaces and it focuses on that.

i haven't seen it but the memes I've seen make me want to see it.

i could have put more images cause they are all wonderful.