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Aromantic or something different?


Guest Anonymous

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I find it annoying seeing couples and their public displays of affection. It grosses me out. I had an ex girlfriend, and I thought I liked the affection that came with it, and stuff, but in reality I felt uncomfortable with the affection and touch. I oftentimes didn't think of the relationship much, and did feel things for her I believe, but not to a strong extent at all. I struggle telling platonic and romantic attraction apart currently. I feel mostly detached from common experiences and descriptions of romantic attraction. I see commonly stereotypical romantic things as things that could be done platonically too. In the past I jumped to conclusions of having a crush. I have picked/forces a crush before, but I can't remember much about it. I usually wanted to date since I wanted to fit in and thought that was the norm and was expected of course. Romantic relationships have felt like a contract I signed, I felt trapped in them, and that didn't make me happy. There's like this "I have got to get out of this relationship" feeling, and I feel much more free when single. Noticed things that could be seen in friendships when I was dating people, and kinda just treated them like a friend. I only ever felt like I was in a romantic relationship for affection, and sweet talk, and a sense of being closer to someone I guess. Isn't that what a romantic relationship is? I'm scared I'm attracted to my current partner, but not romantically. But I love them. They have a quality that lots of people would want in a friend or partner. I would want to marry him and have the past several weeks, but now the idea just feels meh and uncomfortably binding, and they kinda just feel like someone I was friends with but decided well he's got a great personality, I think I like him, I want to date him let's get with him, and am now just someone I'm not friends with but something people would say is more than friends. But I truly want to love him romantically, and what if I am cause I have felt some strong passionate feelings towards him. Like he was "the one," like in movies in stuff. And I'm completely unable to relate to romantic stories and media. Something feels missing. Is there something wrong with me?

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Many aromantics start off misinterpreting their other types of attraction (platonic, aesthetic, etc.) as romantic, or deceiving/forcing themselves into thinking they have a crush to fit the social expectations and later not being comfortable with the romance in the relationship, so it's a pretty common experience. 

If this person is like you say "the one" for you but it's not romantic, then what you want may be a QPR with him? You don't have to love someone romantically for your relationship to be special. 

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