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Just some questions


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Guest Anonymous

What exactly is gender? Is it maybe not exactly a feeling and more the way you perceive yourself and view the world, something that's just there? What's it like? Some people say it's a feeling, but if it were a feeling what would it feel like? I've heard people say pronouns ≠ gender, and they're right. I use many pronouns. But could honorifics not equal gender too? Could you be, let's say, a girl and like using gender neutral or masculine honorifics to describe yourself? Could a genderless person like using gendered honorifics? Or is that not true? Please correct me if I'm wrong. Would anyone mind sharing their thoughts and experiences (you don't have to if not comfortable)?

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As an agender person, I have no concept of gender. Like I'm just here vibing. I'm fine with using she/her pronouns because it's what I'm familiar with and it's easier for other people. I don't care what anyone perceives me as, as long as they don't push any expectations on me. At the end of the day, I'm just a person. When I think of gender, I have no feeling. I don't identify with the nonbinary label either, because by my interpretation is that nonbinary means your gender is outside male or female, like neutral or a mix, whereas I have no gender in the first place. Not all agenders feel this way, though. 

I have struggled with being AFAB and wondering if I'm just a girl but don't like the negative associations that come with being a girl such as gender roles, misogyny, etc. But when I try to think of identifying as a girl, I don't get it. I keep asking, "What would a cis woman feel in relation to her identity?" which is something a cis person wouldn't feel the need to ask.

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Guest Anonymous
37 minutes ago, lekhasverse said:

As an agender person, I have no concept of gender. Like I'm just here vibing. I'm fine with using she/her pronouns because it's what I'm familiar with and it's easier for other people. I don't care what anyone perceives me as, as long as they don't push any expectations on me. At the end of the day, I'm just a person. When I think of gender, I have no feeling. I don't identify with the nonbinary label either, because by my interpretation is that nonbinary means your gender is outside male or female, like neutral or a mix, whereas I have no gender in the first place. Not all agenders feel this way, though. 

I have struggled with being AFAB and wondering if I'm just a girl but don't like the negative associations that come with being a girl such as gender roles, misogyny, etc. But when I try to think of identifying as a girl, I don't get it. I keep asking, "What would a cis woman feel in relation to her identity?" which is something a cis person wouldn't feel the need to ask.

I can kinda relate to that. I don't get what people feel in relation to their identities. 

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For me, my gender identity is a feeling of authenticity and happiness when I picture myself as male. It just feel right, like I'm finally coming home to myself. Imagining having a male body and being seen as a man makes me think, "This is how I'm supposed to be." That's my experience of how I know and feel my gender as a trans person, but I imagine it must be quite different for a cis person, or for agender people.

As for pronouns, I think of "pronouns ≠ gender" as pronouns don't always correlate to gender, but for many people they do. It's perfectly fine and valid for people to go by pronouns and honorifics different than their gender, that's normal (in the sense that it's acceptable.) But it's also normal, and more frequent, that pronouns indicate a person's gender. You can go by whatever pronouns you want, whatever your gender is or isn't. 

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I have kinda a weird gender in that I don't really give a crap as to what my gender is (apagender/gender apathetic) and I honestly don't think it's that important either (cassgender), but I do (kinda) know what my gender orientation is (it's a combination of apogender and singularian I think), so I go with apagender most of the time because it's easier to explain.

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For me when I ask myself what gender I am right now there are several ways I have to “determine” that. Sometimes I just feel right picturing myself as a guy or girl or neither feels right but sometimes it doesn’t really give me an emotional response. Should that be, sometimes I will go through a range of voices just determining which one seems to resonate with me, but however you perceive gender is a good way to start. I first learned that the primary way I determined gender was by voice. It was then that I decided that the way my voice changed so too did my gender. I hope that helps you in any way.

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On 7/4/2024 at 11:30 PM, Fox said:

"This is how I'm supposed to be." That's my experience of how I know and feel my gender as a trans person, but I imagine it must be quite different for a cis person, or for agender people.

As someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth, this is how I feel. I am male, this is how I am supposed to be and part of who I am. What being male means can vary from person to person though. e.g. I do not identify with or enjoy many "male" activities for example, but I do not feel this makes me less of a man.

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