Trying to figure out

[Guest Tam Lan]

I am 17 years old currently and trying to figure out myself. I hope you all can help me here. I have had a so called crush only once in my life, so here's my experience: Basically I got attracted towards this person not because of his looks, but because it was sudden. There was a strange feeling of familiarity. And, at night I did get excited thinking about him. I didn't think everyday about him though. As days passed I began to like his company, I liked his sense of humor, and I liked his bright smile. I used to give him my snacks to make him happy. I used to be playful with him at times as it was fun and, he would bother me at times which I would take as a challenge 😂. I wanted to touch him by his shoulder when by chance he sat with me on a rainy day. I did feel nervous and excited. Though, I didn't necessarily think of marrying him or anything. I thought that if I confessed my feelings and if he felt the same, we would be closer emotionally, sharing everything, laughing and having a good time together. I didn't think about the future. That's why, I don't get how you can date someone just because you have a crush on them. I wanted to be closer to him. One strange thing, I witnessed that he acted badly towards another boy, but even if I wanted to dislike him, I couldn't. Though the intensity decreased as years passed and one night I felt like confessing my feelings to him. The next day I didn't feel the same and it was annoying. There's no intensity like earlier, like a bit of intensity. It's a kind of longing maybe which sparks when I see him or hear his name and that longing wasn't romantic. 

I have never had a celebrity crush and I don't understand how you can date your crush. Like, you barely even know that person. And extreme passionate scenes don't vibe with me. I prefer emotional intimacy, calm and comedic romantic scenes... 

I have never experienced love at first sight so I don't believe in it. Relationships aren't a need for me. If dating would be boring then I won't do it again. I value friendships and my alone time way more. But, when I hear marriage as having a lifelong friend, it sounds beautiful. I like the idea. Emotional intimacy, mutual support, commitment, loyalty and personal growth makes me want it. 

Sadly I have only wanted to marry or date several fictional characters rather than a real person. 

And when others talk too much about romance, I honestly find it boring. 

Everyone has their type but I haven't thought about looks. Never. 

That's why, I am curious about myself. 

Thanks for listening to me. 

[.CORALINE.]

Hey there!

Well, I'm quite new to the aromantic world so I don't know how many shades there could be, but I'll try to share my experience as clearly as I can, I hope it helps!

I sometimes feel this "attraction" to someone, I feel like they're special to me, the thought of that pwrson make me smile and sometimes I feel nervous when I know I'll meet them. It barely happens that someone draws my attention this way but still - I can say we had similar experiebce in it!

The point is: what did you want from that person? Did you want to kiss him on the lips? Did you want to be in a relationship with him? Would've caused you uncomfort if other people had known you were dating or that there were something more than a friendship?

It can be that you're greyromantic (you barely witness romantic feelings or they quickly fade away), otherwise you could be alloromantic but don't enjoy "too much romance"... I have friends comfortable with romantic love and having a relationship that don't like stereotypical romantic things such as flowers gifts, romantic dinners in restaurants etc.

I hope this helps to make you think and figure out your emotions! ❤️