A Message to Questioning People

[CloudlegtheVolcano]

I’m feeling strongly about this at 2 am and I want anyone who’s scrolling through this website every night in search of answers about themselves like I used to do to know this, because I identify as both aroace and gay and it took me a long time to realize I was allowed to do that and to become comfortable and confident in that identity. 

The idea of someone else telling you that you are wrong about the way YOU experience YOUR sexuality/romantic orientation/gender identity is ridiculous. No one can possibly know that better than you.  They can’t. And even if they could, it’s none of their goddamn business what labels you choose to use for yourself. Labels are there for your convenience, and if you connect with a label or just feel like it’s the best descriptor of you, then it’s yours. If you’re not into labels then you’re not required to have one, and if you are then you can choose however many you damn well feel like. Everything is a construct and there are no rules. 

Regardless of how well you feel you know yourself (I often feel like the people close to me probably know me better than I know myself in some ways), you know the feelings you are experiencing when it comes to gender or sexuality. Only you are qualified to choose your labels (if you want them) and you never owe anyone an explanation. It’s not your problem if it doesn’t make sense to other people. 

Side note, you don’t have to choose a label at all. It’s completely fine if you don’t really have yourself figured out and you also don’t really care. Either way, it’s absolutely none of anybody else’s business. Good luck, and never let small-minded people (even within the queer community, unfortunately) break down your confidence.